


We Don't Talk About It

by Madam_Fandom



Series: Team Free Will [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is curious, Curious Castiel, Dean in Denial, Destiel - Freeform, During Season 11, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Graphic Description, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Hunter Dean, Hurt Castiel, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mention of Amara - Freeform, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Nagging Sam Winchester, Near Death Experiences, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Ships It, Sam tries to help, Season/Series 11 Spoilers, Shower Sex, Smut included, Torture, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:24:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madam_Fandom/pseuds/Madam_Fandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slight spoilers to season 11. Cas is cooped up in The Men of Letters Bunker after having Rowena's Attack Dog spell removed. He is acting out of the norm and asking all kinds of curious questions. What is going on with Castiel? And can the Winchester brothers figure out what it is before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first attempt at a fanfic. A lot of revisions over the course of writing it. I am in the process of editing the format. There are some explicit scenes in some of the chapters. And a bit of graphic violence in Chapter 5 I believe. Consider yourself forewarned. **Hope you like it.**

It's been quiet. No real hunting needed. Sam is in and out of the bunker. Dean is Dean. Eating, drinking, listening to music and watching porn. Castiel is becoming restless and start question the brothers about different things, human things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Cas! We've talked about this." Dean bellowed in his usual annoyed baritone.

Cas cocked his head to the side and looked down at Dean in confusion, he was standing behind Dean's chair, barely a hair away.

"I can feel your breath on my neck Cas!"

Castiel took one step back and straightened up. "Sorry."

Sam chuckled lightly and gave a lopsided smirk, he was sitting across from Dean in the Men of Letters bunker. They were trying to find any lore on how to defeat The Darkness. Dean went to back his seat up and nearly ran over Castiel in the process. Cas looked at Dean apologetically and took several steps back.

"Dean, I just feel so - I want to help."

Sam spoke up, "Cas your job is to heal. The spell Rowena put on you has really taken a lot out of you. We don't even know all the ways it has affected you. Just relax and let us do the heavy lifting. Okay?"

Cas looked at Dean and started to speak when Dean cut him off, "Na uh Cas. Heal. Nothing else."

"At least let me look for lore on The Darkness." Sam and Dean both said no.  
Castiel sat down heavily, "Well, what am I to do?" Asked Cas. When no answer came he continued to talk. "I have been thinking, ever since I got my grace back, all the things I no longer need to do. Like eating and urinating... and..."

"Is there a point to this Cas?" Dean interrupted.

"Yes Dean. Humans, are very peculiar beings and why do people...what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Just waiting for you to get to the point Cas, that's all."

Cas sighed and began again. "When I was with Hannah, and we were looking for rouge angels, she kissed me. And... Dean are you okay? Your face is all red. Are you choking?"

Sam laughed.

"Whoa wait a minute. Hannah kissed you? Angel dude Hannah kissed you!?" Dean asked incredulously.

Sam leaned back in his seat watching the interaction between his brother and Castiel. It was entertaining as usual. Castiel had come to mean a lot to them, he was like family now. And well, family could sometimes mean different things to different people. Like he and Dean would die for one another, in fact they had died for each other. And Cas, well Cas has shown that he too was willing to die for the brothers on more than one occasion.

"No Dean, Hannah was in a different vessel at the time. And I don't see why that's important."

"Cause dude! That would've meant you kissed another dude!" Dean explained.

"I do not see why that is of any importance Dean. Can I finish my question without further interruptions?" Dean inclined his head to Cas and raised his hands as in silent surrender, but he was grinning like he had the world's best pie in front of him. "What I want to know is why do people feel the need to kiss? What drives them to do that? And touch one another? It isn't an actual need or bodily function like eating and urinating. Can you explain this to me Dean?"

Dean sat up in his seat, the grin dropping from his face, "Me? No, no, no, no, no. Sam why don't you have the talk with him, you know, explain the birds and the bees to Cas."

Sam started to speak up when Castiel stated, "Maybe you misunderstood me Dean, I already know all about birds and bees, I want to know more about humans, and their urges. And touching. I have felt the need to touch you. And I want to understand why."

Dean jumped up out of his seat waving his hands in front of himself as to ward off Castiel. "Whoa, whoa, whoa Cas. TMI!" Sam was laughing uncontrollably, doubled over, holding his stomach with tears streaming down his face.

"Dean, I have felt the need to touch you and Sam both,"

Sam started sputtering, "Excuse me?" Sam asked, all humor drained right out of him.

"I have occasionally felt the need to hug you as I have gotten to know you two. It has not been often, and you two usually try to avoid it. And sometimes you hug me. But why do I feel this need, why do humans feel this need?"

 

Dean had recovered from the shock of hearing Castiel say he has had the need to touch him. And now knowing Cas meant it in a completely non freaky way made him visually relax. "Sam knows all about anatomy and the human body, and all that nerdy stuff, he could answer those questions for you."

Sam scoffed, "Dean, that's not quite the same, anatomy wouldn't answer those questions."

Dean smirked and pointed at Sam, "See? Nerdy."

"Why don't you just explain it to him, he asked you."

"Because we don't talk about it Sam!" Dean yelled.

 

"You mean like the pizza guy and the babysitter?" Cas piped up. This succeed in launching Sam into another laughing fit and Dean turning a deeper shade of red.

"No Cas! It's not same, at least I hope not."

"Dean, I wish for you to explain it to me, not Sam. I feel more of a connection with you." Sam had gotten himself under control and was watching his brother. Dean had his hand on his hips, legs shoulder width apart, he was standing in a defensive stance, like he half expected to have to fight. Dean sighed. Sam thought Dean was going to relent but instead he suddenly growled out, "No Cas!" He picked up the laptop from in front of the seat he had vacated and shoved it into Cas' hands. "You want an explanation? The internet. It will answer all your questions and more. Anything you need to know, right there dammit."

Dean turned and stalked towards his room grabbing a bottle of whiskey off the sideboard as he passed. Dean's outburst seemed to not bother Castiel in the slightest.

 

"Sam, could you show me how to use this - this device?" Castiel asked as he sat the laptop back on the table. "I don't understand why Dean got so upset."

Sam walked around the table and slapped Cas on the back, "Don't sweat it Cas, you know, Dean can be a little - sensitive sometimes. Here, let me show you how to surf the internet."

"Surf? That is not what I wish to do. And how does one surf the internet with no water?" Sam chuckled and said never mind and proceeded to show Castiel how to operate the machine.

 

A week had passed and Cas was sequestered away in his room, as had become the norm for him. Naturally it was right across from Dean's room. He was on his new laptop, Sam had gotten him his own because he was hogging their laptop and they couldn't get any work done.

 

Since Castiel didn't need to sleep or eat, his past week had mainly been comprised of looking up information on the internet. Every now and again he would emerge from the room looking a little worse for wear to ask Dean a question, Dean would then turn red in the face and yell at Cas to ask Sam or he would simply storm out of the room. The questions had no rhyme or reason to them.

One time he asked Dean where his errogoneus zone was. Another time he asked Dean how important was having kids to him. And another still he asked him what size shoes did he wear. But the best one was when he asked Dean if he had known, according to studies, that frequent sex was pivotal to long life, and when was the last time he'd had sex.

That one had sent Dean into a tailspin. Turning red and sputtering and finally yelling at Cas to quit with all the questions.

And of course you had to pepper in a couple of questions here and there about internet lingo. He even asked Sam a couple of anatomy questions, and even some that were over Sam's head, dealing with the brain and genetics.

 

Sam had to say he was very intrigued on what it was that Cas was actually looking up and trying to figure out about humans. He was even tempted to sneak into Cas' room when he wasn't around, and have a look into his browser history.

But Cas never slept and only left the computer when he was talking to Dean or himself.

"Sam."

Sam looked up to see Castiel standing a few feet away. Sam always wondered why Castiel only seemed to invade Dean's personal space. Annnnd those that he killed. "Yeah Cas?"

"Is Dean here?"

"Cas how about you just ask me and we can just bypass Dean throwing a hissy fit. Okay?"

Cas gave a single nod of agreement. "Angels are told that every prophet, past, present, and potential, that their names are seared into our memories, do you think it is possible that there are new unknown prophets, prophets like Chuck? Prophets for whatever reason God has decided not to tell us about?"

Sam stared at Castiel. "Cas what is this about? I mean I guess it could be possible, especially considering no one has heard from God lately." Sam added under his breath. "At least not for certain."

"Maybe I should make contact with these...prophets. Thanks Sam." Cas turned and strides out of the room.

"Hey Cas! Wait!" Sam called out. He jumped from his seat and follows down the hall behind Castiel. When Cas gets to his room he shuts the door right in Sam's face. Sam shoved his hands in his pockets, "Good talk." He pressed his lips into a thin line and went back to what he was doing prior to Cas' little interruption.

 

A couple hours later Dean was back and in the meeting room of the bunker talking to Sam. Sam was telling him what Cas had asked him today, about the prophets. Dean didn't say anything, he simply started pacing as he tried to work it all out. Cas entered the room.

"Dean. Sam." He said in way of a greeting.

Dean stopped pacing. "Cas. Hey is there anything you wanna, maybe, tell us?"

"As a matter of fact Dean I need to ask another question, but I think," he paused, "I think I will ask Sam. My questions seem to make you irrationally angry with me."

Dean shrugged and pursed his lips together, nodding his head as he said, "Good call." Castiel turned to Sam, and Dean mentally examined this feeling coiling in his gut. Maybe it was just gas.

"Sam, how do I contact someone on the internet?" Cas asked.

"Uh, that depends, are you trying to send an email? Or are you on a web page and you want to contact the administrat....Cas what are you doing?"

Cas was walking back and forth like he was mimicking a cowboy from the old west. "I am trying to walk like Dean. It doesn't feel right, does it look like Dean's walk?"

Sam chuckled, "No, not even a little."

"Caaaas." Dean said in a tone full of warning.

"Why are you trying to walk like Dean?"

"Because. On the computer it said Dean's walk was like seeing sex walk into the room, making everyone, what was it the said? Oh, wet."

Sam sputtered and almost choked on the water he had just taken a sip of.

"Now I am unsure why everyone would want to become wet. It is unpleasant. And I've had sex once and it wasnt unpleasant. Well up until April tried to kill me."

 

After Dean recovered from the shock of Cas' words he crossed over to Cas and got almost in his face. "Excuse me?"

"What am I excusing you for Dean? I don't understand."

Dean realizing how close he was to Cas, his eyes dipped down to stare at Cas' lips, against his will of course. He took a step back.

"Um Cas." Sam spoke up, breaking up the heavy awkward silence that had settled on the room. "Why do you want to walk like Dean, ahem, like sex?" Sam could barely keep a straight face as he asked.

"No! What I want to know is who said that about me and why were you reading it!" Dean yelled.

Cas turned his baby blues on Dean.

"Dean calm down I'm sure there is an interesting reason behind all of this. Maybe Chuck has been writing again." Sam offered.

"We don't even know what happened to Chuck. We all assumed he died." Dean argued.

Castiel had gone quiet and he was watching the elder Winchester with his usual laser focus. He reached his hand up and before Dean knew what his intention was he had grazed his fingers slowly across the back of Dean's neck. Dean couldn hold back a small shiver and a sharp inhale of breath.

He seemed to remember himself and he slapped Cas' hand away and said, "Knock it off Cas." Dean turned and crossed the room, his back to the other two men.

Sam gave a humorless laugh. "Hey Cas, can we talk in your room, in private?" Sam asked.

"Sure." Cas said, giving Dean a long appraising look. He turned and walked out of the room, his eyes not leaving Dean until he exited into the hall.

 

When they reached Cas' room Sam turned to him and asked, "Cas, what is going on? You have been acting weird ever since we got Rowena to remove the spell. You even got Dean on edge, more so than usual."

Cas sighed and looked Sam in the eye. "I feel like the spell broke something in me Sam. Or changed me in some way. Making me more human maybe? And I am just trying to understand what is wrong with me."

"Whoa, hold on; how exactly Cas? Why haven't you mentioned this before?"

"Well you and Dean have The Darkness to deal with, and since you won't let me help..." Cas trailed off punctuating his sentence with a small shrug. "And I wanted to know what was wrong before I told you two. I don't know what is happening exactly. It's like a door was opened inside me. I am starting to feel things and have the urge to do things that I did not before. Human things. Even when I was human I didn't feel _these_ things."

"Okay, what sort of things are you feeling and having urges for? Is it like the burger craving?"

"No, not like the burgers, but not unlike it either. Sometimes, when I look at Dean - and you, I feel, I don't know, sometimes I feel this fierceness, almost like when I become a warrior angel, an almost violent - emotion, maybe? Like I will do something irrational if someone harms either of you. Sometimes when I watch Dean, I get a tightness in much chest, and it feels like I can't breath. And I don't _need_ to breath, but I feel like I'm suffocating. I was trying to locate the cause of, or figure out if this was normal."

Sam gave his head a little shake and cleared his throat. "And what about the urges you spoke about."

Cas seemed like he was at a lost for words. "That one is even harder to explain. I have this need in me to do whatever it takes to make Dean happy. You too of course, but the feeling isn't as strong with you. Like if you're happy great. If not, okay. I also want to touch him." Castiel turned and headed towards the bed where the laptop was. "And I came across this literature that tells me all these things that Dean and I have done together; but I don't recall doing them. That is why I figured maybe a prophet had written them. Also some of it tells me how he likes to be touched and how to make him happy. I don't know how to go about doing any of these things." Cas looked at Sam desperately.

"Okay Cas, to be honest, I'm a little confused. Why would you think what you are reading online was actually written by prophets?"

"Because Sam, they go into great detail. And they are like the books Chuck wrote about your lives as it was happening."

"Can I see what you have been reading."

Cas handed Sam the laptop. Sam read the URL of the web page and almost choked. "Uh, Cas, this is definitely not written by a prophet."

"How can you be sure Sam. When I read these, I feel what the me in the story feels."

"Cas, this is fan fiction. Maybe what you're feeling is just a connection to the story not any sort of parallels to real life."

"What is fan fiction?" "Fan fiction is a story written by a fan of a particular movie, show or book. The fan takes characters from the story and creates their own stories. All completely made up. This fan fiction is based on the Supernatural books that Chuck wrote. The fans don't realize it's real. That we're real."

 

Cas seemed to be in deep thought for several long mins. "No."

"No? No what Cas?"

"This may be fan fiction as you said but, I recognize the truth of those words. According to that, I love you. And I love Dean."

"Of course you do Cas, and we love you too, we're family."

"You don't understand Sam, according to those, I am in love with Dean. Theoretically, I understand what love is. What I don't understand is how it works and what it involves. I feel," Cas let out a heavy sigh, "I feel that I would like to know Dean in the biblical sense."

Sam's mouth dropped open, "You want to have sex with Dean?"

"I think I would like to experience that with Dean, yes."

Sam just looked at Cas slack-jawed. Cas reached over and took the laptop from Sam.

"Besides, Chuck didn't know he was a prophet until we told him he was, maybe these people are unaware as well." When Sam didn't comment Cas continued. "See here it says," Castiel started reading, _'Dean was in denial at first, refusing to acknowledge that the butterfly feeling in his gut was caused by Cas, not indigestion. He refused to acknowledge that when he looked at Cas' mouth, he wanted to know what it would feel like to have Cas' mouth on his...'_  

Sam interrupted Cas in a hurry. "Okay, okay, okay! Enough. I don't need to hear any more, I get the picture. I don't think Dean will like any of this, he will probably flip his shit, to be honest, but I do feel you need to talk it over with him. Especially since it has you all bent out of shape." Sam gave Castiel a sympathetic smile, patted him on the shoulder. "Good luck.  Cas was going to need it. Sam left out of Cas' room. Dean was going to have a conniption.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had decided to go to his room after Cas and Sam went to talk. He was pacing back and forth. What the hell had gotten into Cas lately? All the weird and personal questions. The subtext! And not to mention Cas touching his neck in there. Good lord it took everything in him not to let it show how good that had felt. That was his sweet spot and Cas just reached right up there and turned him inside out. Like he knew him. What the hell was that all about?

Dean had more questions then answers lately. Like where was Amara? What were her plans? Could he really take her out when the time came? Or was he really her little bitch like she had said? Would they stop her in time; _before_ they broke the world, again? Why couldn't he stop looking at Cas' mouth whenever he was near? Was _he_ gay?

 

Dean stopped his musings and lifted his face to the ceiling, almost in silent prayer, only he hadn't prayed in a long while. He took several deep breaths and after a moment he looked down at the bulge in his pants. Nope, this couldn't be happening right now.  

 

Dean heard Sam leaving Cas' room. He rushed to his door and stuck his head out. "Sammy! Dean hissed in a loud whisper. "What's up with Cas?"

"Sam sighed, "You might want to talk to him Dean. And actually _listen_ to what he has to say. All of it. And don't yell at him." Sam turned and walked away not waiting for a response.

"Sam! Sam!" Dean loud whispered again. Sam did not turn around or acknowledge Dean in any way. "Dammit!" Castiel's door was open and Dean glanced over, Cas has his head cocked to the side and was staring at him in a weird way, a way that, if Dean was gonna be honest with himself, made his heartbeat skip, and his breathing choppy. But he wasn't being honest with himself, he licked his lips and said to Cas in a calm voice, a lot calmer than he felt, "Uh, I'm not ready to talk yet." Dean pulled his head back in his room and firmly closed and locked his door.

 

He felt hot, he removed his shirt and started pacing. After a few moments he stopped and removed his shoes and pants too. He went back to pacing, it was just so damn hot. Dean flopped down on his bed, and as a habit his hand rested on his cock. He flinched.

He seemed to be in a perpetual state of arousal for the last week. It wasn't pleasant. Everytime he would close his eyes to try and fantasize about some hot chick with huge breast and a nice ass, Cas' face would come to mind uninvited, cock blocking even in his fantasies.

And again, if he was being honest with himself, which he wasn't, this had been happening for far longer than a week, it had been going on honestly close to four years, but not to the extent that it had been happening lately. It was unnerving, Cas coming to mind when he thought of sex. Or he being distracted by Cas' mouth when they were talking.

That angel could be so distracting. Dean was surprised to see he had been stroking himself through his boxer briefs as he was thinking. He laid there for a moment not knowing how to feel about the betrayal of his body. He got up and went to take a shower, maybe it would help clear his mind.

 

When he came out of the bathroom he had a towel wrapped around his waist and was running a towel through his hair. He stopped abruptly, he felt another presence in his room. He looked up and Sam was standing in his doorway. "Really Sam? I could have shot you. Whatdoya want!?"

"Dean, I'm leaving for a couple of hours, you need to talk to Cas, seriously, he says he feels like something inside himself has broken. He's been feeling like this ever since the spell was lifted." Sam turned to leave, saying, "I'll be back later."

"Whoa there Sammy, what do you mean broken? Did he say anything else about the prophets? I don't think you should leave; Amara is still out there Sam!"

"I'll be fine Dean, I won't go far, if I need you I will call." Sam turned and walked out of the room, when he did, Dean was able to see that Cas was standing in the hall, shoulder up against the door frame.

 

"Cas. What the hell did Sammy mean, you feel...broken? What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Dean, do you want to go put some clothes on first?"

Dean looked down at himself in a towel. He felt his face go a little red, "Uh, sure but since when did this bother you Cas?" Dean said as he gestured to his body.

"I will wait outside." Was Cas' only response. He turned and stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed as he went out.

 

Dean sat on the edge of his bed torn. Part of him, wanted to grab Castiel by his lapels drag him in here and kiss the hell, oops, heaven out of him. But the other part, the sane part, wanted to know what was wrong with Cas, and himself for that matter, he didn't _DO_ dudes. It kinda helped if he thought of Cas as an angel and not a dude or chick. But he couldn't seem to stop himself from wondering if angels really were junkless, Cas in particular.

Dean had never pictured himself with a guy, had never touched another man in anyway but in platonic, non gay, friendship type of way.

 

"Dean, are you alright? Cas called through the door. Dean sighed and grabbed his jeans off the bed and slipped into them, not even bothering with underwear.

"We can do this lat..." Cas was saying as Dean opened the door to his room, shirtless. Cas swallowed when he caught sight of Dean. He couldn't seem to make his eyes go higher than Dean's chest.

"We can do this now." Dean said in his usual gravelly tone, and stepped to the side to allow Cas entry.

 

Cas looked around Dean's room as though it was his first-time in there. He seemed nervous.

Dean studied Castiel openly while Cas was looking elsewhere. "Okay Cas, spill it. Why do you think something is wrong, how do we fix it and why does Sam think you should talk to _me_ about it, _alone_?" Dean paused, "Wait does this have to do with me releasing the Darkness?" Dean had stepped closer to Cas in his concern without realizing it.

Cas looked up from Dean's chest to his eyes. "Shirt?" Cas asked.

Dean shook his head as to clear it. "Uh, yeah." He grabbed his shirt from the bed and shrugged it on. Dean caught Castiel wetting his lips as he watched Dean put his shirt on, Dean's mouth went dry at the sight. Cas turned his back to Dean. They stood there for several long moments finally Dean broke the silence. "Cas?"

His voice was quiet. So unlike Dean, Castiel had to look up. "I don't think it has anything to do with Amara Dean. But I do believe you are the core of what is wrong with me."

Dean face blanched at those words, he felt like he had been sucker punched.

Cas notice the look on Dean's face. "No, Dean, I didn't mean it like that."

"No I get it Cas, I'm a screw up and you're always fixing my messes. I get it."

"Dean, you are not a screw up. I think you are very heroic, even when you mess up, your heart is in the right place. You are the reason I do what I do."

 

Dean just looked at him. What could he say to that? Cas took Dean's silence as a cue to keep talking. He told Dean everything he had told Sam, from the urges to touch, to the need to make Dean happy. Dean had not realized he was grinning until Cas asked him, "What's so funny Dean?"

"Nothing Cas." Dean stood there looking at Cas. Cas cocked his head to the side and studied Dean right back. "Look Cas, I don't know how to take all this. Like Sam said, of course we love you, you're like family. It sounds like you're feeling emotions; it's natural to feel love for us. We have literally been to Hell and back for each other. But I don't know if your signals are getting crossed when you think about what love means."

 

Castiel didn't say anything at first. "Dean," Cas stepped closer to Dean,

Dean looked down at Cas, trying not to look at his lips.

"Dean! Are you paying attention?"

Dean closed his eyes and said, "Of course Cas."

Castiel swiftly took Dean's hand and placed it on his crotch. "Does this feel like crossed signals to you!"

Dean was so shocked at Cas' behavior he didn't react right away. "Whoa cowboy." Was all Dean could think to say as he maneuvered his hand out of Cas' grasp and away from the bulge in his pants. He looked away and mumbled, "Okay, not junkless then."

"What Dean?"

"Nothing. Okay. Well I know you know what that," Dean gestured towards Cas' crotch, "is used for."

"Yes." 

"Man, I got nothing." Dean said on a sigh. "Um, so show me this almighty fan fiction written by prophets."

"Are you sure Dean? It can get kind of graphic."

"Pfft. Yeah, I mean how bad could it be."

"Alright Dean. I will go retrieve my laptop." Cas left out to go get his computer.

 

Dean let out a shaky breath and wiped his hand across his face. "Get a grip." He said aloud to himself.

"Who are you talking to?"

Dean turned towards Castiel. "No-one, come on let me see this puppy."

"It's not a pu....never mind. I haven't finished this one so I do not know how it ends. I needed to uh, take a break from reading." Cas passed the laptop to the hunter.

Dean headed to his bed, he figured if he was gonna read, might as well get comfortable. "How many of these have you read?" he asked plopping down on the bed. Dean was laying on his side, using one elbow to prop himself up and the laptop rested on his thigh.

"Not many. I have read 52 so far. I only discovered them about three days ago.

Dean looked up at Cas, "Seriously? How many of these are there?"

"That I do not know. There seems to be an endless supply of them. I also came across some about Thor, the God of Lighting. I was not aware of his relationship with his brother Loki." Cas chatted on. Dean frowned up at Cas' words.

"Sit. Down. Cas."

Castiel sat down stiffly on the bed next to Dean. His back was against the wall, and he was angled so he could read along with Dean.

 

Dean didn't say anything to Cas as he sat beside him, closer than he would have liked. "Here it goes." Dean's started to read in the middle of the page and almost swore at the explicitness.

_'Dean threw his head back as Cas' mouth closed around the head of his cock, sucking slightly. Castiel's hands roamed up Dean's sides, caressing as he sucked. Dean moaned at how good it felt and tangled his hands in Cas' hair, flexing his hips upward.'_

Dean shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable, his pants seemed to have gotten a bit tighter. Dean licked his lips and then glanced over to Castiel. "This is smut, you do realize that right?"

"No. I am not familiar with _smut_  Dean, but when I read it, my body feels hot, and tight, like I am going to explode. And...I feel...I wish I was doing those things. That _we_ were doing those things." Castiel was looking Dean in the eyes, imploring him to understand.

 

Dean looked away first, sighed, and mumbled, "I know I'm gonna regret this." He turned back towards Cas, reaching up and snaking his hand to the back of Cas' neck, pulling him down and into a kiss.

Dean just barely brushed his lips across Castiel's, testing his own reaction to what he was doing. Cas remained still, rather out of shock or to allow Dean time to acclimate himself to the kiss, Dean didn't know. Nor did he care.

He pressed his lips more firmly to Cas', slanting his mouth for better access. He licked Cas' bottom lip, once, twice and then Cas opened up above him. Dean let out a groan as he slipped his tongue in Cas' mouth, exploring slowly at first. He heard and felt Cas let out a groan of his own and he lost control.

His kiss got more demanding and aggressive. Cas reached one of his hands up and grasped Dean behind the neck, now kissing him back with just as much aggression and a hint of desperation. Their tongues dueled in an unyielding manner.

 

Dean pulled away a moment later, gasping for air. He leaned his forehead against Castiel's, his hand still on the back of his neck, slightly playing with the hair there.

"Dean, this is uncomfortable."

Dean dropped his hand. "Sorry Cas. I, Uh. I don't know what came over me." Dean picked up the laptop with intentions of moving it and getting up, Cas snatched the laptop and let it drop unceremoniously to the floor.

He launched himself on top of the other man, sealing his mouth to Dean's.

Dean pried himself apart from Cas. "Cas the computer!" It was a feeble attempt to halt their actions.

"I don't care about the computer!" He growled and proceeded to kiss all sense out of him.

 

Dean's legs parted on their own accord, allowing Cas to settle between them firmly. Kissing Cas felt no different than kissing any of the women Dean had kissed in his lifetime. Well, maybe the stubble was different. But it felt so natural, Dean didn't even think twice about it.

Cas trailed kisses along Dean's jawline and down his neck. He nipped lightly at his collar bone through his tee shirt. Dean moaned. His hands were traveling up Castiel's back but the trench coat was making it hard to touch what he really wanted.

He and Cas must have been thinking the same thing because Cas pulled away, kneeling between Dean's legs and demanded that Dean remove his shirt. Dean took one look at the savagery on Castiel's face and he obeyed. But after he pulled it off, he proceeded to help the angel out of his coat. He loosened his tie and pulled it slowly off. Next Dean slowly unbuttoned Cas' shirt; each button he undid he placed a chaste kiss against the skin he exposed.

Castiel shook with impatience and pleasure. "Dean." He rasped when Dean took his tongue and flicked it at one of Cas' nipples.

Dean had thought this was something he could never do, it was something he never even truly gave any thought to because he just wasn't into guys. But he would be a fool to deny how Cas was making him feel. Or how it felt to know he was making Cas lose his mind at this very second. The flat, curveless body wasn't a turn off. Dean was very much turned on because it was _Cas_. Cas who had died for him. Cas who raised him from Hell. Cas who turned his back on Heaven. Cas who has proven he would do anything for Dean Winchester. Even though he hadn't earned that kind of devotion.

Dean hadn't realized he had stopped kissing Cas until the other man spoke up.

"Dean stop thinking and love me." Castiel's words did not have the desired effect.

Dean untangled himself from Cas and stood up. He paced in front of the bed and was turning to head out of the room when the next thing he knew Cas had him pressed face first into the wall. Dean could feel Cas' erection pressing into his ass.

Cas was strong, he held Dean there, face pressed against the wall with little effort. "Stop running from this Dean." Castiel started kissing the back of Dean's neck. Pressing little bites into his shoulders and back.

Dean was surprised to realize he was moaning. He tried to buck Cas off of him but he wouldn't budge.

Castiel snapped his fingers and he and Dean's clothes were gone. Castiel zeroed in on the space between Dean's neck and shoulder, sinking his teeth in and then caressing the skin with his tongue. His cock was partially slidding between Dean's ass cheeks. Cas took his hand and ran his fingers over Dean's hip bone. His hand continued traveling, cupping Dean's balls and giving a small tug.

Dean's breath caught in his throat, "Son of a bitch!" He hissed. His hips serged on their own accord, dick sliding into Castiel's hand. Castiel starts jerking Dean off. Slowly at first, getting a feel for what he was doing and how it affected Dean. He built up speed, giving a flick of his wrist here and there. Gripping his cock tightly. Gliding his thumb across the head. Cas was getting more aggressive, biting Dean harder and his own hips were moving against Dean's backside.

Dean was whimpering, wanting to fight against the sensations.

Castiel whispered in his ear in enochian, Dean had no clue what he is saying but it was making him so hot. Cas picked up speed. Dean was thrusting into Castiel's hand,  erratic and uneven. Dean growled out, "Fuuuuck."

Castiel smiled against Dean's neck. Taking his free hand, he slid a finger in Dean's mouth,  pushing it in and out, getting it nice and wet. When Cas was satisfied, he used that finger to push slowly into the tight ring of muscle surrounding Dean's entrance. He continued to jerk his hunter off.

Dean eyes crossed and the sound that came out of his mouth nearly undoes Cas. He starts jerking Dean faster, combined with his finger rubbing slowly over Dean's prostate;  Dean loses it and comes all over Castiel's hand and the wall.

Cas turns Dean around, he shoves his tongue in his mouth, their tongues fighting for dominance, and their cocks pressed together, grinding, rubbing. Castiel is moving rapidly, and it just feels...so good.

Dean can feel Cas' cock pushing over his pelvis and into his stomach. It's causing lil tremors to roll through Dean.

Cas is breathing heavily into the crook of Dean's neck. "Dean, I don't - I don't know what is happening. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"Shh Cas, just let it happen. I'm right here." Dean presses little kisses to Cas', jaw, neck, shoulders wherever he can reach.

Cas keeps whispering Dean's name like a litany; there was desperation in Cas' voice. Dean proceeds to talk him through it. "That's it baby, just let go, oh yeah, feels so good doesn't it?" He presses a hand tightly to the small of Castiel's back.

Castiel moans a ravaged "Yessss."

Dean decides to take Castiel's cock in his other hand and jerk him off. Castiel shivers in his hand.

"Dean, I - I don't know...oh my, help me Dean, Deeeaaan! Aah..."

Dean is still whispering encouragements to Cas and kissing him in between. Both men are sweaty, Castiel's hair is curling around his forehead and his skin is flushed. Dean had never seen a more beautiful sight.

He takes his hand from Cas' back and smacks the angel's ass, Cas hissed and draws in a deep breath. Dean does it again but this time he grips it tight. He whispers against Castiel's mouth, "Come for me Cas. Let me see you come." He's jerking Cas faster and sucking on the side of Cas' neck. Suddenly Cas erupts, he comes all over Dean's hand and their sweat slicked bodies. Cas' legs go all wobbly, he can barely stand.

Dean grasps him under his shoulders and holds him while the aftershocks run through his body. Cas pants against Dean's shoulder. Dean gave a light chuckle.

"Dean, I didn't know it could feel like that. When April and I had sex, it was nothing like this." Dean chuckled again and helped him to the bathroom.

 

"Okay big boy let's get you in the shower." Cas looks at Dean with so much love in his eyes and he was just so earnest, Dean had to look away.

"Thank you Dean. I know how hard that must've been for you." Dean gave a hollow laugh and replied, "Yeah but you took care of that for me, didn't you?"

Cas didn't understand the joke, so he just let it go as Dean helped him sit on the toilet so he could run the shower water. They stood there in comfortable silence. Dean was absently stroking Cas' back, and Cas rested his head on Dean's side. When the water was at a good temperature Dean stepped under the spray and held out his hand for Cas to join him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Cas took Dean's hand and stepped into the shower. His legs seemed to be working fine now so he dropped Dean's hand.

Dean took the back of the shower allowing Castiel to get majority of the spray and keep warm.

Cas groaned out loud when the water hit him. "I forgot how enjoyable showering was." Cas explained. He closed his eyes and just let the water cascade over him. He stepped further into the spray, water running over his head, face and body.

Dean leaned against the back wall of the shower simply observing Cas. What was he thinking? Nearly having sex with Cas. Nearly, because Dean was playing the delusion game again. He reached out and ran a trembling finger down the middle of Castiel's back, following the natural curve of his body. Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean, there were water droplets on his long lashes and his mouth was slightly parted. Cas let out a contented sigh.

Before Dean realized what he was doing he closed the distance between he and Cas, brushing the barest of kisses against his lips. Cas sighed again. Dean pressed a small kiss at the corner of his mouth and another at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He picked up the bar of soap and started running lazy circles on Cas' back. Dean lathered up both of his hands, running them across Castiel's shoulders, massaging away tension as he went. He kept going down his back until he reached that delectable ass. Dean worked up more lather and kneeled down, still behind Cas. He placed a small kiss on one of the dimples on Cas' back, right at the base of his spine.

Dean started to wash his backside, working his way down Castiel's powerful thighs and calf's, kneading the muscles as he went. Castiel sighed in content and his head hung back in utter relaxation. Dean stood back up, reached around and lathered up Cas' chest and arms. He pulled Cas flush against him, lathering his hips and pelvis sliding his slippery hands along Cas' cock, Cas jerked in his hands. He continued stroking him. Both of the men's breathing picked up, Cas' head was resting back on Dean's shoulder and Dean was nuzzling the side of his neck.

Dean walked them forward a step or two so that they were directly under the spray. He continued to stroke Cas, increasing his grip just a little, letting the water act as extra stimulation to Cas' already sensitive skin, causing him to moan softly.

Dean lowered his head and nipped softly on the back of Cas' neck, he was rewarded with another moan. Dean again nipped Castiel but this time on the side of the neck, biting harder than before and then soothing the spot with his tongue. Another moan.

Dean chuckled lightly into Cas' neck. "You like that huh?"

"Dean I -" Cas was cut off by another bite, he hissed, the bite was further up his neck and with more force, it bordered on painful, but again Dean soothed the spot with his tongue.

"You were saying?"

 

Castiel turned around in Dean's arms and kissed him lightly, very tentatively, like he was afraid to run him off. His hands rested on Dean's chest, they continued to kiss very slowly, Cas started drawing small circles on Dean's skin. Dean let loose a little moan, that seemed to encourage Castiel.

Cas let one hand drop down between them, and he wrapped his hand around Dean's cock. Dean pulled away from the kiss, hissing. Cas stopped immediately, "Did I hurt you Dean?" Cas' fingers was still loosely wrapped around the hunter, and Dean had his eyes squeezed shut and his head was thrown back, mouth parted. He didn't answer. His thoughts had scattered. "Dean?" Cas tried again.

"Don't. Stop." Dean demanded on a hard exhale of breath.

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean on the chin as he started back his stroking. Castiel was placing little kisses and bites all over Dean's neck and chest, and Dean was whispering encouragingly. He was stroking Dean so slowly, and gently, it was almost excruciating. It was taking all of Dean's strength not to plunge himself into Cas right at that moment.

 

Cas pulled Dean down for a earth shattering kiss. There was so much emotion in the kiss he didn't know how to deal. He broke away from the kiss. Cas was all dewy eyed as he looked up at him and Dean couldn't stand to look at him with that much naked emotion on his face.

What the hell was he doing? Cas was family. Cas was his friend. Cas was an angel of the Lord. Cas was a _man_. He firmly extracted himself out of Castiel's embrace, turned and leaned his head against the cold tile of the shower, giving Castiel the hard planes of his back.

 

"Dean? Are you alright?" Dean didn't answer. Cas put a hesitant hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean shrugged it off and kept his eyes averted. "Dean talk to me. Did I hurt you or do something wrong?" Again Dean did not answer.

Cas again placed his hand on Dean's back more firmly this time, in a matter of seconds Dean had grabbed Castiel by his neck and flung him into the shower wall. Cas placed his hand over the hand holding him, "Talk to me Dean." Castiel begged him. Again there was silence, as Cas watched Dean he could see a softening to Dean's demeanor. He gave Dean a tentative, barely there smile, hoping it would encourage Dean to open up. He didn't know what had set Dean off, but he didn't want to spook him again.

"Dean! Cas!" They heard Sam bellow out.

 

Dean looked Cas in the eye, and then away, he dropped his hand away from Cas' neck, feeling contrite but saying nothing. "I think you need to go. And Cas, don't tell Sam about what happened."

 

Castiel simply poofed himself back to his own room, fully dressed. He really didn't understand the sudden change in Dean, but he didn't like it. And he was a bit hurt to be honest. He had no one to talk to about it with. Sam made it clear he really didn't want to hear about any intimacy between Dean and himself. Meg was dead and Crowley...Crowley was Crowley. He would be sure to try and find a way to use the info against them. And last, he was sure if he and his Father had been on speaking terms, God would not approve.

Besides Dean said not to talk about it. Just like porn. But this was not porn. This was pure. He wasn't sure what he had expected from his _talk_ with Dean, but it wasn't what had transpired.

That had exceeded his expectations. Right up to when Dean kicked him out at least. He had wanted to tell Dean he loved him. And that he thought the literature was correct about him being in love with Dean. But he had sensed that might have been too much and it would've scared Dean off. He wasn't very good with emotions. Neither was Dean, he tended to downplay his feelings and the feelings of others.

 

Cas exited his room and went looking for Sam. He found Sam in the kitchen. "Sam. You called?"

Sam was putting groceries away, he stopped and turned to Cas, "Uh yeah. Did you, um, did you and Dean talk?"

Castiel wiped a hand across his face looking very defeated. "Yes."

"And? What happened? How did he take it? Where is he?" Sam shot off in his typical rapid fire session.

"It didn't solve anything." Cas answered.

 

Sam stared at Castiel expectantly. When Cas didn't speak up again Sam tried prompting him. "And?"

"It is not of import Sam." Sam stared at Castiel for a long while, something happened. And knowing his brother like he did, Dean probably got angry and took it out on Cas.

Castiel figured this must be how humans felt when an angel stared at them, it was unnerving.

 

Sam started stalking towards the kitchen entrance. "No. Cas, I am going to try and talk some sense into Dean." Sam yelled.

Dean walked in at that moment. He didn't look at Castiel at all. "Leave him alone Sam."

"But Dean, we need to get to the bottom of this, we need to help him if we can."

"Sammy!" Dean yelled. Sam was not deterred,

"What did you say to him anyways Dean?" Dean looked at Castiel at that moment, so did Sam.

"Nothing, drop it Sam."

"Dean...-"

"Shut up Sam!"

 

Castiel looked at Dean in the bird like manner of his, Dean refused to look back. Sam just studied the two of them. "Look guys, I know that was probably an awkward conversation, but we're family, we can get pass this." Neither man said anything so Sam pressed on. "I mean, I get it. It was probably the hardest..."

Castiel interrupted with, "Sam could you please just drop it."

"But Cas -" "Please Sam." Castiel implored, giving Sam what he hoped was puppy dog eyes as the humans called it. 

"Sure Cas". Sam conceded, raising his hands as in surrender.

"Thank you." Castiel said sincerely. He tried to catch Dean's gaze again, but Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas. The angel turned and walked out.

 

A moment later Sam started in on Dean. "Dude, what the hell is your problem? You can see Cas is hurting, and you're just standing there being a little bitch like you don't care! Are you that homophobic that you can't treat him with respect and just be his friend? I mean, really Dean! How.."

Dean turned and grabbed Sam by the collar of his jacket and quietly hissed "Enough. Enough Sam. I don't want to hear any more about this. You. Don't. Know. Anything." Dean abruptly let Sam go, causing him to stumble back a couple of steps. Dean stalked out of the kitchen. A couple of moments later the slamming of the bunkers front door reverberated down through the kitchen.

 

Sam kept his word to drop the subject. At first anyways. Dean and Castiel avoided each other for a week and a half. They fell into a sort of quiet rhythm, whenever one of them entered the room that the other was occupying things got awkward. Dean would rush back out the room and Cas, poor Cas would try to catch Dean's attention. Sam was tired of Dean being a selfish dick.

Sam and Cas was in the kitchen. Cas leaning against the far wall looking a bit lost. They had been discussing ways to try and track down The Darkness, when Dean walked in, he had been away most of the day. When he saw that Cas was in the room he tried do leave, but saw that Sam was blocking the exit.

"Move Sam."

"No Dean. You both have been moping around the bunker for over a week. It's bout time y'all kissed and made up." Dean lowered his head so Sam couldn't see the blush spread across his face as he and Cas' last kiss came to mind.

Cas simply replied, "I don't think that would be a wise idea Sam."

"I didn't mean literally Cas. I meant y'all need to sit down and talk about whatever happened the last time y'all sat down and talked."

"Sam, you promised to drop it."

"Yeah, I did but you two are fricking miserable. Cas what happened?"

Castiel looked at Dean, "Sam I can't tell you. I'm sorry."

"Well why not Cas?"

"Because, we don't talk about it Sam. That's the rule."

Sam looked at Dean, "What is he ...Oooh."

Dean tried to push past Sam. "Move Sam. I don't want to have to hurt you."

"Dean, did you watch porn with Cas?"

"What? No! Why the hell would I do that?"

Sam looked confused, "Well, because the only thing we had told Cas we don't talk about was porn."

"Awesome. Now let me out."

"No need Dean. I will leave." And with that Cas poofed himself to his room.

 

"Dean, have you looked at Cas, I mean really look at him? He looks as bad as you do. But he isn't even human which scares me! What could be affecting him this badly? I mean, I know you look awful because you're not sleeping or eating, all you're doing is drinking, but Cas? Whatever happened between the two of you, _you_ need to fix it. It's eating you both alive, and when we find The Darkness, I need you _both_ on top of your game!"

 

Dean turned and dropped heavily into a chair. "I can't Sam. I don't know how to fix it."

"Just talk to him Dean, if you looked at him you would see that is all he wants. We're family. All of us, he misses you."

"You don't understand, it's uh, a bit um, complicated."

"Of course it is, when have we ever done anything the easy way. But just talk to Cas."

Dean just bowed his head. He wasn't sure if he could tell his brother what happened.

"Come on Dean, how bad could it be. So he told you he had feelings for you, possibly, romantic, sexual feelings for you. But he is still Cas. He is still the same too literal angel who dragged your sorry ass outta hell."

"It's not him Sam." Dean said so low Sam wasn't sure if he had heard.

"What?" He asked.

"Sam," Dean sighed, "Cas told me what he was feeling. Hell, he even showed me those got damn stories online. Which is nothing but smut by the way."

"Okay, and then what?" Sam prompted.

"I kissed him." Dean mumbled.

 

Sam's mouth opened and closed like a fish, but no words came out. He ran a hand through his hair roughly. "Excuse me!? It sounded like you sai.."

Dean exploded out of his seat, "I kissed him alright! I. Kissed. Cas." Dean turned and glared at Sam.

Sam had a lopsided grin pasted on his face. "Seriously? You kissed Cas? I don't believe you."

Dean just looked at Sam. "Yeah, cause kissing another man is something I would joke about." Dean grumbled. "I did more than _just_ kiss Cas Sam."

Sam's eyes widened, "You had sex with him?"

"No!" Dean denied quickly. "Well, technically, no." Dean sank back into the chair he had previously vacated.

Sam sat across from his brother, he cleared his throat. "Without any details, what happened? Why aren't you two talking? If you got 'close'." He said close with air quotations.

 

Dean explained to Sam how he had been having weird feelings towards Cas lately, and how he had found himself thinking about him a lot and it bothered him. But when Cas came to him and was telling him how he was feeling, all he could think of was making Cas happy, easing Cas' worry. And how in that moment he didn't see Cas as a man but as someone he cared for.

"I panicked Sam. The feelings, my feelings just seem so foreign and too strong. Too intense. I didn't, and still don't know how to fucking handle this." Dean finished his confession.

"Maybe there is something causing you two to feel like this. A spell or something, oh, maybe Cupid?"

"Sam. I started having these thoughts when he pulled me from Hell. Look, I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to move pass this." Dean pounded his fist on the table and said, "I need a drink." Dean got up and pulled a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. He popped open the bottle, leaned a hip against the counter and took a long swig from the bottle.

"Maybe, this is the real thing then Dean. Maybe you are in love with Cas and there are no spells or outside forces causing this."

"Sammy. I'm _not_ gay. I love women. And breast! I can't be gay." Dean yelled sounding extremely frustrated.

"Dean, how did you feel when you were with Cas. The first word that comes to mind. Go."

Dean was quiet for a moment as he thought about it, and then his face lost all color.

"What is it?" Sam asked concerned. When Dean didn't answer he got up and went to his brother's side. "Dean. What's wrong?"

Dean looked up into Sam's face and said, "Love."

Sam just squinted at Dean. "Love?" He questioned, confused by his brother's response.

"Come on Sam, don't make me spell it out. It's freaking me out as it is."

Sam just continued to stare at Dean, now in disbelief.

"Okay, okay. I felt love not only from Cas, but for Cas." Dean stepped away from his brother, putting space between him as he confessed further. "I just brushed the feeling off at first. Ignored it when we, uh kissed. But when we were in the shower..."

 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out!" Sam interrupted throwing up the universal sign for time out. He crossed over to Dean in two long strides and spun Dean around to look at him. "You two took a shower together?"

Sam sounded judgy to Dean, and it set Dean on edge. He snatched his arm out of Sam's grasp. "You know what, forget about it." He started for the door.

 

"Dean. I'm sorry. Please finish. I think this is important." Sam sat down in the chair closet to him.

Dean stood at the door with his hand on the knob. "Look there isn't anything else to say. He was just really putting the, ahem ahem, love vibes out strong and I couldn't handle it. And like I said, I panicked."

"And you have been punishing him ever since Dean. I'm sure this is all new to Cas. And he didn't ask for this anymore than you did. He went to you as a friend, not expecting anything but a sympathetic ear, but what you gave him instead was hope. And then you snatched it away. You need to go talk to him Dean. You need to make this right. Again, he isn't even human, who knows how _he's_ handling this."

"I don't know if I can Sammy. I don't know how I feel about this, being with a guy. Loving a man, even if it is Cas."

"Well Dean, you're just going to have to figure it out as you go cause Cas doesn't deserve this from you."

Dean stood there for a moment longer letting Sam's words penetrate. Leaving the kitchen he headed to Cas' room. He knocked on the door. There was no answer. "Cas?" He said as he knocked louder. There was still no answer so he tried the door. It opened with no resistance. The room was dark and Dean didn't need to turn on the light to see it would be empty, but he did it anyways. As he figured the room was empty.

 

Dean walked back to Sam in the kitchen, "Sammy, did Cas mention heading out to you before I came in earlier?"

"No. Why?" Sam responded sounding tired.

"His room is empty."

"Well maybe he just went out to clear his head."

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Dean agreed but in his gut he felt something wasn't right.

 

Dean walked back to his room trying to think of places Cas could've gone. He walked in his room and collapsed on the bed, throwing his arm over his face. Dean shifted to get more comfortable and he heard the rustle of paper. He removed his arm from over his face and lifted his head slightly looking for the cause of the sound. He saw a fold piece of paper stuck under his hip. His stomach dropped. This couldn't be good. Dean sat up pulling the paper from under him. He sat there staring at the paper. He couldn't bring himself to read it.

He got up and went back to the kitchen. Sam wasn't there. He started walking around the bunker calling Sam's name.

Sam came barreling out of the archive room. "What?! What's going on?"

"I found this note Sam. I think it's from Cas, I can't read it."

"What makes you think I can read it?" "Dammit Sam!" Dean bellowed, and then much calmer he said, "I meant," Dean sighed, "I meant, I can't bring myself to read it. I got a bad feeling about this man."

"Oh. Let me see it." Sam gingerly took the note from Dean and read it. He looked at Dean, sympathy all over his face. "I'm sorry Dean. The note said he was going back to Heaven to face his punishment. It couldn't be any worse than being here while you were mad at him."

 

Dean crumbled in to the seat nearest him, almost missing it completely. His face showed a range of emotions in a matter of seconds. Disbelief. Anger. Hurt. And regret. He didn't say anything at all. He just sat there in silence, his heart breaking, thinking to himself. "Why do I always screw up the good things? Why do I always hurt those I love most. What am I going to do without Cas here, backing me? And Sam.

Sam sat there with him for roughly an hour. Showing his support for his brother by simply sitting with him. His heart went out to his big brother. Helluva way to find out you were in love with someone. Not to mention that someone was a man, and an angel, and also your best friend.

Sam wasn't sure how he felt about the whole Destiel thing being real, but he would support his brother no matter his choice. And Castiel was already like family. This should've been easy. But instead he could see his brother's heart breaking and he had already witnessed the breaking of Cas'.

He stood up. "Come on Dean. Let's get you to your room." Dean went with him without a word or a fight. Sam left him sitting on the edge of the bed, lights out. Sam sent a silent prayer to Castiel. Wherever he was.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel sat on Dean's bed holding the note he had written Dean.

 

> _**Dean, I am going to return to Heaven. I have much to atone for. Tell Sam I am sorry, I have never given him enough credit for all the good he has done. I have only ever pointed out the abomination that he was. Dean you are a good man. A just man. We all make mistakes, don't judge yourself so heavily for your mistakes. Hopefully one day you can accept my apology. I wish I had not shown you the smut as you called it nor told you how I felt. Heaven can't be any worse than being here with you, knowing that you are angry with me and wishing that I was not here. - Castiel** _

Castiel folded the paper and laid it beside him on the bed. He forced himself to stand, took a deep breath, inhaling all the subtle smells in the room, and taking one last look around; and poofed himself out of the bunker. He wasn't sure how to get his brethren's attention. Hannah was dead, and he didn't even know who was in charge now. Cas sent out a heartfelt prayer to heaven.

When he was done he poofed himself to the very same barn he had first laid eyes on the Winchesters on Earth. He sat in the middle of the barn, just remembering all the good and bad times. They had some good moments, moments where they had won against all odds. But those times usually held a steep price. Sam getting hooked on demon blood a second time and Dean taking the mark were by far the worst two. Oh, and least we not forget the leviathan debacle.

Castiel had begun to doubt his decision to leave the Winchesters and seek atonement for his many transgressions. He and Dean had shared an amazing, moment, if you will, and that moment would be forever emblazoned on his mind. For however long Heaven deemed him worthy to live. But no, he suppose he did the right thing. It had been a week since Dean had last spoken to him. Every second that passed without a word from Dean was like a slow death. This must be what heartache felt like. He did not envy the humans who got hurt over and over again. It literally felt like there was a vice around his heart and lungs. He didn't need to breathe, but his body nonetheless felt like he was suffocating. And on one occasion he had shed tears. That had been very alarming. He didn't seem to have much control over his body, it felt like it was shutting down. And Sam had commented that he looked like crap.

The wind outside picked up outside, the little barn started shaking and rattling. It was reminiscent of when Cas had first walked through those doors. Castiel stood and readied himself for whichever of his brethren would walk through that door.

Castiel was not prepared for who walked through though.

"Michael." Cas said in a carefully neutral voice.

Michael stood in the door of the barn with wind howling around him. Kicking up dirt and debris. He was still inhabiting Adam Milligan, the youngest of the Winchesters.

"Brother." Michael replied. "You don't seem surprised to see me. That's funny cause the last time I saw you, you engulfed me in holy fire!"

"Uh, sorry." Castiel replied lamely.

"Oh, you aren't. But you will be. Do you know what it was like in Hell? In the cage with Lucifer?"

Castiel attempted to poof out of the barn, but nothing happened.

"Ha! You're not going anywhere unless I allow it, I have this place locked down." Cas looked around worriedly. "As I was saying Castiel. Do you have any idea what it was like? At first Lucifer played nice. Acting like we wanted the same things. At first Adam," Michael gestured wildly around his head with his hands. "At first Adam was quiet. He thought he was doing God's work and that we would be rescued." Micheal laughed harshly pacing in a small, tight circle. "How wrong he was. So after about ten years down there, Lucifer stopped playing so nice. Adam stopped believing we would be saved. Our brother took turns torturing me and Adam. Day in and day out for 600 years. Do you know what that does to a person!?" Michael gave a hysterical laugh and then stopped abruptly. He looked at Cas and smiled. "Little brother. I heard your prayer. I am here to help."

 

Back at the bunker Sam was sleeping and Dean was in Cas' room looking for any sort of clue to help Dean find him. Either to where the door to Heaven was now located, or even if Castiel had stopped off somewhere else before heading back upstairs.

So far Dean had only succeeded in finding out that Cas had next to nothing in his room. He guess he should search the laptop, that was the only real possession he had. But he didn't really want to, it seemed like such an invasion of Cas' privacy. Plus, he was feeling guilty that he had allowed the things he read on Cas' computer cause him to mistreat his angel.

His angel. Dean forcefully shoved a hand through his hair. His angel? Since when did he think of Cas as his angel? Dean decided to play it straight with himself for the first time since Cas had stepped into his room, telling him about his mixed and confusing emotions. Dean looked down at the computer. It wasn't the smut that Castiel had been reading that scared Dean away, it was his own stupidity. He ran away scared. Scared of what it all meant, scared of changing the status quo, scared of the intensity in saw in Cas. But most of all, scared of his own reaction to it all. He found Castiel entirely too distracting for his peace of mind. That angel is beautiful. He's beautiful when he is confused. He's beautiful when he is being fiercely protective. He was beautiful even when he was being an asshole. Dean just had to face it, he was in love with a man. An angel. His best friend. Dean let that sink in for a moment.

Dean picked up the laptop and went to leave the room when a picture fluttered from the partially closed laptop. He bent over and scooped up the picture. His throat tighten with raw emotion. It was the picture they had all taken together. Bobby, Jo and Ellen; Cas, Sam and himself. His family was shrinking. And he was solely responsible for it. It should be him heading to Heaven for punishment. Not Cas. Cas should never have saved him from Hell. This was all just a different kind of Hell. At least down there he was in control of his Hell.

 

Dean sat heavily on Cas' bed. He sat the picture and laptop on the bed beside him. "Dammit Cas." Dean cursed lightly. He buried his face in his hands. "Cassssss." Dean whispered on an exhale, his voice catching. "Come'on man, get your feathery ass back here so we can talk about this. Can you hear me Cas? I'm so sorry man. Can you forgive me?"

 

Castiel was strapped down on a table set up in the middle of the barn. Michael had opened up his shirt and jacket to have better access to Cas' skin. "Relax little brother, I told you, I am here to help. But first, I am going to show you what Lucifer did to us while in Hell."

"Us?" Castiel questioned, a bit apprehensive about Michael's answer.

"Don't be stupid Castiel, then again I don't think you can help it. When it comes to those Winchester boys, all sense goes out the window with you, doesn't it?" Castiel averted his eyes guiltily. "Adam." Michael said. "Adam and I suffered through much. Now, we are better, and on the same page for the most part, sort of."

Castiel decided to try and keep Michael talking while he tried to figure a way out. "What do you mean, sort of."

"Come say hi Adam." Was Michael's response.

Cas started looking around the barn, looking for another person, namely another vessel.

Michael's eyes lost focus for a moment and then he seemed to focus in on Castiel's prone form on the table. He rushed the table and wrapped his hands around Castiel's neck, choking him. "You son of a bitch! You set me on fire! You tried to kill me, again!" And just as suddenly as the attack started, it was over. "Get a hold of yourself. We have business to conduct. Sorry Castiel, Adam is still upset about the Holy Oil Molotov incident. You understand."

Castiel attempted to sit up so he could see Michael better, but the restraints held him firmly in place. "Adam, is still in there?" Castiel croaked out, around his abused throat.

"Yesssss." Michael answered gleefully. "And we both wanna watch you suffer."


	5. Chapter 5

Sam burst through Cas' bedroom door and made a beeline for the bed, where Dean had fallen asleep. He was thrashing around and making pained sounds. He had cried loudly before which had woken up Sam and brought him raging into the room.

"Dean. Dean wake up." Sam said as he shook Dean roughly. Dean continued to flail around grunting. Suddenly he bit his lip hard and blood started trailing down the side of his face. Sam became even more worried and increased his efforts in waking up his brother. Dean's breathing became labored and Sam did the only thing he felt he could do to wake up his brother, he hauled his fist back and punched Dean in the jaw. Dean started to convulse on the bed so Sam hit him again and again, all the while calling Dean's name. Finally the convulsing stopped so Sam halted, waiting to see what happens.

Dean slowly opened his eyes as if  
waking from a dream. "Whoa Sammy why are you in my bed? Have a nightmare?" He joked. "Ow, ow, ow. What the..."

"Uh, Dean, I Uh..."

"Why is my face sore? And why the hell am I bleeding?"

Dean sat up with the help of Sam. "Easy Dean. You were having a nightmare. And I heard you yell out Cas' name. I tried waking you up, you wouldn't wake up, no matter how hard I tried okay? But then you bit your lip, started bleeding all over the place and when you started convulsing like you were having a seizure, I became worried, sooo, I punched you to try to get you to wake up."

Dean rubbed his jaw, "How many times did you you hit me?" Dean asked.

Sam looked away sheepishly, "I don't know Dean, a couple of times."

"A couple huh?" Dean asked as he worked his jaw trying to loosen it up. "It feels like more than just a couple Sammy, I feel like a Mac truck hit me, you been eating your Wheaties?"

 

Sam kept his eyes averted, "So, uh, what were you dreaming about?"

"I honestly don't remember. I also don't remember fal...," Dean looked around. "I'm in Cas' bed? How the Hell?"

Sam looked worried all over again. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Dean looked at Sam as he tried to recall before waking up to a beating. "Uh, well, I was in here, I was looking for clues as to where Cas could've went."

"We already know that Dean, he said he was returning to Heaven."

"I know that Sam! I meant as in where I can find the door, portal or whatever to get into Heaven." Dean sighed, "I didn't find anything so I picked up his laptop a picture of all of us fell out, I picked it up and, and I could've swore I went back to my room." The boys sat in silence for a while.

"What time is it?"

Sam looked at his watch, "It's 5:17 a.m."

"I know you said I was sleeping but, man I'm tired."

"Dean I'm not sure if you should go to sleep. It didn't seem like a normal dream. You were convulsing, you were having trouble breathing and not to mention that it took me hitting you to wake you up. Maybe you falling asleep was caused by something or someone. Did you eat or drink anything outta the ordinary?"

"No Sam! I had whiskey and a burger. Both from right here. And the burger was a day and a half ago. I haven't left the house so I haven't crossed paths with anyone, I'm tired and grouchy. If you want to sit over me and fuss like a mother hen, fine! But I'm getting some sleep."

Dean punched the pillow a couple of times and laid on his left side, facing away from his brother.

Sam sighed, got up and turned the lights off. But instead of leaving out he settled himself into a chair in the corner. A couple of moments later he hears, "Bitch." Sam smiles and responses, "Jerk."

 

Castiel's clothes were in shreds hanging off his body. His captors had really did a number on him. Physical pain, sure it hurt, it was pain, but it was the mental and emotional torture that was effecting Castiel the most. Adam and Michael were taking turns torturing him. Adam preferred physical pain, while Michael liked to use his words to hurt. Adam was surprisingly good at it, but Castiel assumed he had time to pick up pointers from Lucifer.

And at this moment, Adam and Michael was torturing him in tandem. Adam had him strung up by his hands from a rope hanging from the rafters. And Michael was in his head taunting him.

"And you thought Dean cared about you. About what happens to you. Ha! You're so naive little brother. He doesn't care about you, you have always been a means to an end for him. You are his ace in the hole, his little bitch. He puts everyone and everything before you. He has only been using you Castiel. Whatever he needs that he and his gigantic brother can't get themselves, they then turn to you, and you always come through for them. And all Dean has to do is look you deeply in the eyes and allow you to stand too close to him. You're such a disappointment to dad. And no he didn't say it, but I know what dad looks for in us, and he has found you lacking, that is why he leaves you down here to your misery."

It went on like this for hours on end. Castiel lost track of time. He had long gone numb physically to what Adam was doing to him. He let his head loll to the side. He could see that the skin on his chest had been peeled back to reveal muscle and sinew. Adam had literally rubbed salt in wounds. There were cuts and words craved in his skin everywhere he could see. He was like a living canvas for a deranged artist.

 

Michael took back over Adam's body. "Looks like you are getting too comfy and content. Guess we need to change that, don't we?" Michael sealed up all the wounds with a flick of his wrist, leaving the salt in between the flayed skin and muscle, as well as all the cuts and words.

Cas looked like he had been to Hell on the scenic tour. His skin was mottled shades of brown, blue and purple, his body displaying different stages of healing. There were scabs all over the wounds, making it seem as if this torture happened at least several weeks ago.

Castiel immediately felt the relief, the stinging from the salt in his wounds was minor compared to what it was, but with the relief came a sense of dread. What did Michael have planned next.

 

Michael still stood in front of him, smirking. His aura, once a shining bright white tinged with gold, was now a grey sickly looking color. It hurt Castiel to see how far his brother had fallen. Without actually falling of course. Castiel opened his mouth to try and reason with him when Michael flicked his wrist again and sealed his mouth shut. It looked as if someone had sewed it shut, you could see the black thread weaving in and out of his bruised skin.

Michael walked in a tight circle around Castiel, lightly brushing his skin here and there, making Cas jump in anticipation of the pain. None came. Michael was back at his front, still giving that little smile. A smile that looked like he had picked it up from Lucifer. Michael slowly lifted his hands above his head and then suddenly brought them down again. And when he did, every inch of Castiel's skin had been flayed from his body. He let loose a scream so violent, and so full of pain that the barn shook and you could hear the bugs and rodents scurry away in fear. The thread that had been woven into his mouth had been ripped out with the scream. His mouth was a jagged mess.

Castiel's clothes was just gone and his skin sat in his line of vision taunting him. The skin had been ripped away so suddenly and cleanly, there was a minimum amount of blood. His body felt like it was on fire. Everything throbbed. Castiel would not give Michael the benefit of seeing how much he hurt. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to quiet the urge to cry out over and over again.

Castiel had his eyes closed when suddenly his body was hit with something liquid. It literally burned him. His eyes snapped opened to see he had been doused with some sort of acid. Where it touched the muscle and sinew, it looked as though it was melting his body. He couldn't stop the small wimper that escaped. His knees buckled and threatened to give out completely, his eyes was rolling into the back of his head and he began to shake and convulse.

"Not so fast little brother." Michael said with a sadistic tone, "We're just getting started." He healed Castiel yet again. His body showing even more signs of the abuse. Castiel wasn't sure how much of this he could take, but at least he had solace in knowing Michael could not find Dean.

 

Dean woke up screaming at the top of his lungs! A couple of heartbeats later a bleary-eyed Sam rushed to Dean's side. "Dean?" Dean was frantically running his hands over his body. He was breathing heavy as if he had been running. Sam approached the bed and said Dean's name again.

Dean looked up at him. "Sammy?"

"Yea Dean. It was just another dream. You're okay."

Dean swung his legs over the side of the bed, elbows resting on his knees and his face in his hands. "It was awful Sam. My body," Dean's voice shook as he tried to get past the lump in his throat to tell Sam about his dream. "My body felt like it was burning from the inside out. I was, I was tied up and my clothes was ripped up all around me. I could see piece of my skin just hanging off me in robins Sam." Dean looked up into his little brother's face, and the terror and pain Sam saw there chilled his blood. Dean took a deep breath and began again, "Next thing I know, I was healed except for the bruises and scars and oh God, Sam, it was Michael inside of Adam torturing me. After he healed me, he skinned me again and then poured some sort of acid all over my body. It was horrible! And then the angle changed and," Dean swallowed hard, "I could see it wasn't really me, it was Cas. It was Cas Sam! We have to go get him! That fucking bastard had Cas' skin right there, just sitting in a pile like dirty clothes."

"Dean, I want Cas back too but we don't even know where to begin to look, let alone how to get into heaven."

"That's just it, I think these aren't really dreams, I think Cas is trying to tell us where he is. We have to go get him man. He's family."

"Whoa hold on, so let me get this straight, you're telling me, that not only is Cas somehow showing you what is happening to him, Michael is out of the cage? How? And where is Adam?"

Dean gave Sam a look that seemed to say 'seriously'. "I am assuming still inside his own mind, on lock down, since Michael seems to be in control of his body."

"Okay, well what did Cas say?"

"That's just it man, I couldn't hear anything. A complete silent movie."

"Well how could you tell it was Michael and not Adam?"

"Dude! Really!? He skinned Cas. And he did it with just a little flick of his wrist."

 

They sat in silence for a few moments and then Dean popped up. "Okay, let's go get Cas."

"From where?" "The barn where Bobby and I tried to ambush him when we first met him."

Sam looked perplexed. "And how do you suppose we get him back? Just walk in there and ask the Archangel that we we caused to be locked up for the last 600 years to please give us our friend back? Somehow I don't think that is gonna fly Dean. Somehow I don't think that is gonna fly." Sam said sounding incredulous.

"But we gotta try Sam."

Sam heard the note of desperation in Dean's voice, he sighed and said, "Alright, whatever you say. So what's our plan?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you sure this is going to work? I mean how many times have we gone up against Archangels and we barely made a dent without Cas."

"We have to try Sam. Cas would've done the same for us. Even when he wasn't sure about you, he looked out for you and helped keep you safe. We have got to help him. He doesn't deserve this." Under his breath Dean added, "If anything, I should be the one there."

Sam looked at Dean through the curtain of his hair. He was pretending to be looking at the ground in front of them as they approached the barn from the North. He figured he would just act as if he hadn't even heard what Dean said; because face it, who knew what reason Dean felt like he should be there. Rather it was Dean's stent in Hell, or his mistreatment of Cas. Sam didn't care , he knew he would never allow his brother to put himself in that situation. He would always fight to keep him by his side.

Dean reached out a hand to stop Sam. "Radio silence from here on out Sammy. Stick to the plan and hopefully everything will go accordingly."

Sam took a shaky breath and replied, "Dean. No heroics, okay. You stick to the plan too."

"We're bringing him home Sam!" Dean started forward before Sam could respond again.

 

The brothers split up when they reached the barn. Sam moved towards the back of the barn while Dean went for the front.

Dean cautiously approached the barn doors. One half of the double door was missing entirely, while the other was hanging off the hinges. In the privacy of his mind Dean prayed to Cas, "Cas, I dunno if you can hear me, but I'm coming for you buddy. Just hang tight...sorry, no pun intended."

Inside the barn Cas grew very still, without giving himself away he glanced around the barn, the areas he could see anyways. He noticed a shadow by the barn door and his heart stopped. He tried frantically to reach Dean mentally and send him away. But Dean, as stubborn as ever brushed his warning off.

Michael, still in control, stopped talking, Castiel had no clue what he had been saying anyways. Just as Dean stepped fully into view Michael turned around.

"Ah, what do we have here? Uh oh baby brother, seems I have a new play toy. You don't mind sharing do you?"

Castiel grew frantic. Thrashing about trying to get free. It was one thing when it was just him, he deserved everything he had coming and more. But Dean, his precious hunter, he would fight to the death to keep him safe.

"Ahh, temper temper. Calm down, I won't do anything to him I haven't already done to you." Michael taunted.

Dean was trying to inch his way over to Cas, Michael stood between the two of them. "Let's bargain." Dean said to Michael.

"Bargain?" Michael scoffed. "What do I look like some commonplace crossroads demon? Besides you have nothing that I want, or can't take for myself." Dean stopped moving when he was roughly five feet away from Michael and Castiel.

"Dean. Don't." Cas managed to croak out. He had been so badly beaten his larynx had been damaged. It was a struggle to get those few words out. Dean went to move towards Cas, strictly on instinct, but Michael cut him off.

"Uh ah, and where do you think you're going? Let's play."

Michael reached out to grab Dean, Dean side stepped him and threw a punch, aiming for his midsection put it fell on empty air. Dean turned surprised looking for Michael. Michael rushed him, he knocked Dean down with his forward momentum. Dean scrambled to get up, but before he could Michael was kicking him over and over again in the ribs. Just as Michael was bringing down his heel to stomp Dean in the head Dean reached up and grabbed his foot, pulling causing Michael to lose his balance. Dean jumped on Michael, straddling his waist. He pulled back his fist and started punching. Sometimes he missed and his hand his the ground but he just kept wailing on Michael. All the while Michael was laughing hysterically. One of Dean's hands was broken, but both were badly bruised and bleeding.

Michael just lifted his hand, and with a flick of his wrist he had Dean pinned against the barn wall. He walked over to Dean his laughter slowly subsiding. "Seriously Dean? What is it with you Winchesters? Always so quick to die for one another. I was just having fun with you. Do you actually think you could ever get the best of me?" He grabbed Dean by the throat with one hand, he came in close and whispered, "And you know the best think about you being here? Not only can I torture Castiel by torturing you, I know Sam is here as well and I can torture you by torturing him." He gave a little maniacal laugh.

Michael reached out suddenly behind himself with his free hand and grabbed Sam around the throat as well. Sam had been trying to sneak up on Michael, "Really? You didn't think I would hear you lumbering around? I saw your little ambush a mile away. And you think you can hurt me with that little human knife?" Michael sneered as he inclined his head to the knife Sam still held in his hand. "I'm a bit disappointed in how predictable you two were."

"Hey Michael!" Dean called out bringing Michaels attention back to him. "But did you see this coming?" Just then Sam tossed Dean the blade and Dean drove it home between Michaels ribs in up into his heart. He let go of the brothers and staggered backwards trying to grasp the now bloody blade. Sam fell to the ground gasping for air. Dean stalked Michael as he tried to retreat. "A little parting gift from Balthazar, the Fate killing blade. Figured it would be able to take you out too!" Michael fell down almost at the feet of Castiel. Blood was running out between his fingers and bubbling out the side of his mouth. He reached up a hand beseechingly. Castiel looked his brother in the eye as he watched the light fade from them. A blinding white light burst through the barn as Michael died; the shape of his angel wings was scorched into the ground around them.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean hopped over Michael's body to Cas. Cas had slumped over, all his weight being supported by his tied wrist; he looked dead to Dean's eyes. He panicked. He palmed Cas' face gently. "Cas? Are you alright buddy?" Dean said so softly you could barely hear.

"Dean, is he.." Sam couldn't bring himself to say it. They had been to Hell and back, literally with Cas. Cas was family. He wasn't sure how he would feel if he was actually dead.

Dean turned and hissed vehemently over his shoulder at Sam, "No! He. Is. Not. Gone." He turned back Cas. He gripped Cas by the neck and leaned his forehead against the other man's. "Come-on Cas, come-on."

 

Sam approached the silent duo. "Let's get him loose Dean."

Dean put his arms under Cas' arms and lifted him up slightly so Sam could untie him. When he was loose Dean heaved Cas up into his arms. "Let's go Sammy."

Sam looked at his older brother, there was unshed tears in his eyes. He had always admired and looked up to Dean, but it was moments like this that he also pitied him. It seemed that life had a sick perversion for kicking Dean Winchester when he was down. Whenever he dared to love someone, life always showed up to find a way to take them away.

Dean bore Cas' weight like it was nothing. But the burden on his heart and soul was another matter, it was almost unbearable. Cas wouldn't be here, in this situation if it wasn't for him. All he had to do was admit he loved him. Or even just try. Cas never asked for anything for himself. The one time he does Dean damn near ostracised him for it. He would never forgive himself if Cas died. He was already weighed down with the deaths of Jo, Ellen, Kevin and Charlie.

 

They arrived back at the car. Sam opened the back door of the Impala and instead of Dean laying Cas in the back he maneuvered them both into the backseat. Sam didn't say anything, he simply closed the door and went to the driver side, climbed in and drove off. They had a good little ways until they would reach the bunker.

After several miles Sam glanced in the rearview mirror to check on his brother, Dean had Cas cradled in his lap, arms around the motionless man. He appeared to have fallen asleep, his head was leaned against the back of the seat and his mouth was slightly parted. Sam pursed his lips and sent a silent prayer to God, hoping that he still had a soft spot for Castiel and that he would save him.

 

Roughly two hours later Sam pulled up to the bunker. He turned off the car and when he looked over his shoulder to wake up Dean he saw that Dean was awake and staring at Cas. His eyes were still shiny with unshed tears. Sam's heart broke for his brother. Hell of a way to realize how much you cared about someone. Seeing all the love and anguish on Dean's face, Sam couldn't even feel weird about the situation anymore. He just wanted it all to be righted. Those two men loved each other. They would fight the legions of Heaven and Hell for one another. And on several occasions have done just that.

Sam knew that only he himself came even close to that level of love and devotion from Dean. And it was mutual. He loved his brother and was just as devoted to keeping him safe. He was glad that it was mutual with Cas as well, he just hoped it didn't take the death of this angel for Dean to recognize this as fact.

Sam exited the car, moving around to help Dean get out as well. Dean had to pass Cas off to Sam in order to get out of the Impala. Sam held the other man as if he weighed nothing, Castiel was dwarfed by Sam's ginormous size, but Sam was just as careful with him as Dean had been.

Dean looked at his brother carrying Cas, his eyes started tearing up again and threatened to spill over so he turned and walked up to the bunkers entrance. Dean held the door open for Sam and locked up behind them. It was quiet as a tomb in the bunker and it was working on Dean's nerves, putting him on edge. He followed Sam down the stairs and into wing that housed their rooms.

Without asking Sam went into Dean's room and laid Cas on the bed. Dean entered his room moments behind his brother. Seeing what he had done he looked up at Sam. His throat tightened up. He had to swallow several times before he could make himself speak. "Thanks Sammy."

Sam stepped towards Dean, he pulled him into a much needed brotherly embrace. "Don't mention it. I'm down the hall if you need anything." He released Dean, took one last look at Castiel and left out the room, pulling the door closed as he went.

 

Dean turned towards his bed. Cas was just laying there, no movement, not even breathing. He approached his bed hesitantly. He didn't know what he was expecting. For Cas to jump up and dance a jig? He just wanted Cas to wake up, show some sign that he was alive. He had hope that Cas was still in there somewhere because he didn't give the typical light show that happened when an angel died.

Dean bent over the man and started removing the tattered clothing. They must have interrupted Michael inbetween torture cycles because Cas' body looked healed on the outside except for the bruising and scabs. Once he had all of the clothing off, sans his boxers, he inspected every inch of Cas to make sure they hadn't missed anything.

When Dean was satisfied that they hadn't he collapsed on the bed beside Cas. He lay there for a couple of moments. Just reflecting on all that happened, a single tear worked it's way pass Dean's lashes; and then the dam inside him broke. He let loose a high pitch keening noise. His body shook with the intensity of the emotions seeking escape. The tears just started flowing and Dean turned onto his side pulling himself into the fetal position, sobbing. His cries were loud and heart wrenching. He just let it all out. All of the fear, sadness, anxiety, joy at getting to Cas, anger at himself, and love for the man beside him. He cried and raged for all that could have been, all that may be lost. For all his stupidity and sacrifices. He lamented on the path that brought him to where he was now. He just let his soul speak all the things he kept locked away.

Sam stood outside of Dean's room, listening to his brother. He ached to go in there and try and comfort him, but he knew this was something Dean had to get through on his own. If he went in there Dean would just close up again, and he needed to let it all out. This had to be one of the hardest things he has ever had to witness in a long time. He gave a quick prayer of thanks that the Fate killing blade that Balthazar had given them had actually worked against Michael. And he added to the end of his prayer another request for God to bring Cas back to them. Not just Dean, but them. Cas was after all family.

 

Dean reached out a hand to the blurry shape in front of him. His crying had quieted down but the tears continued their march across his sculpted face. It was during these quiet moments he became aware of the pain in his hand. He relished the pain. He took a sort of comfort in it. It was most likely broken he thought to himself, served him right.

Dean flip himself onto his back, leaving one hand touch Cas' arm. He needed this contact. He didn't want to be separated from Cas. It was irrational, he knew that. Cas wasn't in any shape to go anywhere. If he would just wake up, if he would just wake up and look at Dean in that way that he does, head tilted to the side, blue eyes blazing, intensity on 100; like he was looking into Dean's soul, and memorizing every inch of him. From each hair follicle to every atom of his being.

 

Dean sighed. He heaved himself out of bed and went to the bathroom. He turned on the water in the shower. He walked back out to the bedroom and stood there watching Cas. He could do this. As long as Cas didn't go all nuclear light show on him, he could get through this. He turned back to the bathroom stripping as he did. He stepped into the shower spray, hissing as it stung his cuts and broken hand. Dean made quick work of his shower. When he got out he wrapped a towel around his hips and started to fill up a basin that was under the sink with the still hot water coming out of the shower head. Once it was full enough he turned off the water grabbed the bar of soap and rag and went back to the bed.

He sat the basin on the floor by the bed, dipped the rag in and rubbed a bit of soap on to the rag. He proceed to wash Cas, getting rid of all the dried blood and dirt from the barn. He took his time and was as gentle as he would be with a newborn.

When he was done he took a clean pair of his sweats and a shirt and put them on Cas. He tucked the covers around the 'sleeping' man. Dean made busy work of cleaning up the mess of clothes and used water. When he was done he was exhausted. He turned out all the lights except for the bathroom. He didn't want it to be dark when Cas woke up. Dean laid down on his side facing Cas, "I'll be here when you wake up buddy. Just...just make sure you wake up so I can make this right." Dean closed his eyes and fell asleep within moments.


	8. Chapter 8

Several weeks had gone by. The boys had fell into a rhythm of sorts. Castiel remained in Dean's room. Still no movement, still no nuclear angel light show, Dean considered it a slight win.

Dean spent his days looking for lore on anything that sounded even remotely close to what Cas was going through. So far no luck. Dean even went as far as searching for the orgin story of sleeping beauty. Turns out she really was just cursed by a fairy. Damn fairies.

And Sam, he helped with that research here or there, but mostly looked for small cases near the bunker that he could take on by himself.

Dean never left the bunker for fear of Cas waking up and no one being there. Dean would never admit it to Sam, but he sang and talked to Cas at night before bed. He would sing him some of his favorite classic rock songs, and sometimes a little Taylor Swift found its way in Dean's repertoire of songs. And he spoke about things he had never told anyone. Things that he feared, things that he secretly liked. His wants and wishes if had been born into a normal lifestyle. But most importantly he told Cas all the things he had been too much of a coward to say to him before.

 

Sam had just stumbled into the bunker looking a little worse for wear. Dean was in the library when Sam sauntered in. Dean started speaking before looking up, "How did it go?" Sam dropped heavily into the seat closest to him. Dean looked up at Sam. "Sammy! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Sam had a busted lip and there was dried blood trailing down the side of his face and on his shirt. Dean was fussing about him like a mother hen, looking for any signs of injury. Sam was trying to push him away when they both heard, "Dean." The brothers both stopped their bickering and looked towards the doorway leading deeper into the bunker.

Dean rushed over to Cas. He grabbed the other man and pulled him into a soul shattering kiss.

Sam sat dumbfounded. He knew his brother had feelings for Castiel. He even knew his brother had came to terms with those feelings. But this, this floored Sam, Dean was not the one for public displays of affection. He was not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Dean couldn't believe his eyes. Cas was awake! And asking for him. He couldn't help himself. He kissed Cas like his life depended on it, and he felt like it did. He put all his pent up emotions and fears, and joy into the kiss! Joy that Cas was awake.

But then reality hit him. He broke off the kiss. What if Cas had not forgiven him for the way he had treated him before. For what had actually lead them to this point. Dean swallowed audibly. He released Cas completely and took a step back, averting his eyes.

Cas couldn't have asked for a better reunion. He still felt a bit groggy but he knew he was lucky to be here. He placed a hand on Dean's left shoulder, the shoulder he first touched when he raised him from Hell. Dean looked at the hand and then up at Cas. "It's okay Dean, I understand." He pulled Dean in to a hug and over Dean's shoulder he beckoned Sam over. Sam slowly walked over to the duo. When Sam had reached them Cas partially pulled away from Dean and hugged Sam. When he pulled away Sam was completely healed and Cas stumbled.

Dean caught him with the arm that was still around his waist. He looked to his brother and saw that he was healed. Dean clapped Sam on the back.

"Thanks." Sam said humbly.

"Yeah, thanks man, but you just woke up, you shouldn't have, you're not strong enough yet." Dean lightly chastised.

Sam lightly patted Castiel on his back. "Glad to have you back man, but you should let Dean get you back in bed." Sam realized what he said and how it must sound. "I mean, that's not how I meant it. Dude I'm sorry." He ended lamely. Dean just laughed it off.

"Seriously? You're not mad?" Sam asked. Cas looked at Dean too, this was unlike Dean normally he would be red in the face in fuming.

"Nah I'm good. I've spent way too much of my time being mad and having a pity party. It's time I live the life I have and do what I was put here to do." Dean looked at Castiel then, he tried to convey all he was feeling in that look. He tapped Cas on the side of his jaw with his fist, "Let's go get you in bed buddy." Dean said as he winked at Sam.

Sam just stood there mouth agape as Dean lead Cas down the hall and to his room.

 

When Dean and Cas reached the room, Dean transformed into a mother hen fussing over Cas. Fluffing the pillows and helping Cas into bed and then tucking the covers around him. Cas just gave a small smile. "How long was I out?"

"Tomorrow would have been 3 weeks." They sat in companionable silence, staring at one another. "Dude I'm sorry."

"I am sorry Dean." They said it simultaneously.

"I know I'm suppose to say you go first Cas, but I need to say this, I need to get this out." Dean knelt on the side of the bed, he took one of Cas' hands in his two.

"Dean, before you start, I want you to know, I heard you. Every time you spoke to me, sang to me. I heard you. I followed your voice back."

Dean blushed, looked down and cleared his throat before looking back up. "That's uh good, that's real good to know. But I still need to say this. Face to face. Man to, ahem, man." Cas squeezed Dean's hand to spur him on. "I need you man. No, that's not how I wanted to start this. I want, no, I need to say I'm sorry. For the way I treated you. If I had not pushed you away, you never would have been in that situation. That's on me. Even before you left, it was eating me up. I knew I needed to make things right, I just, I just panicked. And closed myself off like I always do. I'm sorry Cas. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for making you feel like crap. And, like I didn't want you here. I do."

Dean rested his head on his and Cas' joined hands, "And I know it is too much to be asking you this, but can you please forgive me?"

Cas took his free hand and ran it through Dean's short hair. "I already told you, I do. I forgive you Dean."

Dean looked up to Cas, he had tears in his eyes. He brought Cas' hand up to his mouth and placed a kiss on it. "Thank you Cas. Thank you."

 

Cas patted the bed beside him and said "Get up here and sing to me, you have a beautiful voice Dean."

Dean ducked his head as a blush crept offer his face, he mumbled, "Thanks."

Dean started to unbutton his flannel shirt, Cas fasten his eyes on Dean with apt interest. Dean tossed the shirt on the chair. He then bent over and undid his boot laces and kicked them off. When he stood back up he noticed Cas' interest, he grasped the hem of his t-shirt and while holding eye contact with Cas stripped it off. Cas unconsciously licked his lips. Dean tossed that shirt on the chair as well. He then proceeded to undo his jeans. He let them slide down the length of his legs and then kicked them off catching them mid air with his hand. He tossed the pants on top of the growing pile.

Dean approached the bed from his side and slid in. He opened up his arms and Castiel slipped into them, allowing Dean to hold him against his bare chest.

 

Dean felt self-conscious singing to Cas while he was actually awake. To stall a little Dean asked Cas if he had any request, not really expecting an answer. Cas surprised him with an answer. "Yes Dean, I rather liked when you sang "'Can't Help Falling In Love', by Elvis I believe." Dean swallowed several times before beginning to hum the melody.

Cas slipped an arm around Dean's stomach and turned in his arms so that his ear was pressed to Dean's chest. Dean wasn't sure if Cas knew, but this was exactly how he sang to Cas every time, with the slightly smaller man nestled up against him, ear to chest, arm pulled across his stomach. The only difference being Cas was a awake. Dean faltered in his humming as a wave of emotion came over him. Cas was really awake. His breath caught in his chest, the fact that Cas was gonna be okay just literally hit Dean. His body started to shake, he didn't want to do this in front of Cas.

Cas moved his hand from Dean's side and placed it over his heart, he murmured shh a couple of times and then started humming 'Can't Help Falling In Love'. Dean glanced down at Cas, it was hard to see him through the tears in his eyes, but he could see his eyes were closed. How was it this man always knew what to say or do to get Dean back on track? Dean cleared his throat several times and then joined in on the humming.

"Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you."

Cas joined in on the next bar, Dean was floored by Cash singing voice. He now understood the reference, sings like an angel'.

"Shall I stay, would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you.

They sang through the rest of the song together. When they finished Dean was completely composed, he was absently stroking his hand up and down Cas' arm.

"Where were you? Dean asked.

"Nowhere. Just blackness. And sometimes a swirling of colors. No sound but your voice when you sang or spoke to me." Dean didn't respond. He just went into a rendition of 'Simple Man'.

Mama told me when I was young  
"Come sit beside me, my only son  
And listen closely to what I say  
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day"

When Dean had finished Cas was lightly snoring. What the hell? Dean thought, Cas didn't need to sleep. He would keep an eye on him like normal and make sure he was alright.

 

Cas woke up to a warm feeling. He went to stretch and realized he was being held. He opened his eyes and see a bleary eyed Dean looking down at him. "Hey buddy." Dean rasped.

"You didn't sleep. Why not?"

"It's no be deal Cas, I wanted to keep an eye on you. Because you never slept before, except when you were human or when you were borrowing another angels grace. I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong."

Castiel gently untangled himself from Dean and stretched. "Well Dean, now I'm hungry. Are you gonna watch me eat too?"

Dean got off the bed and stretched himself. "As a matter of fact I will cook it for you and watch you eat it."

Cas stood there looking at Dean. "What? "You don't have to cook for me Dean. Let alone watch me eat it."

"Cas, you only know how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"Peanut butter is high in protein. It's a good choice." Cas defended himself, sounding a bit hurt.

Dean walked over to Cas, grabbing him by his shirt, he pulled him close and kissed him chastely on his lips. "It is a good choice. But I have a feeling you need something more balanced and substantial." Dean kissed him again, this time lingering a bit. "Come on let's get some food in ya."

 

He took Cas by the hand leading him towards the kitchen. He just wanted to make sure Cas wasn't having trouble walking. He seemed fine so Dean dropped his hand. When they reached the kitchen Cas walked over and sat down.

Dean made a beeline for the refrigerator and started taking out supplies. Eggs. Bacon. Toast. Butter. The whole nine. He had started chopping up peppers and onions. Sam was already sitting at the table when they had reached it, but Dean hadn't noticed. Dean was making quick work of prepping the food. He was putting the oatmeal on when Sam finally spoke up.

"Uh Dean, that's a lot of food. Are you planning on eating all that?"

Dean yelled over his shoulder, "Nope. Cas is hungry. There's enough for you too if you want. Eggs. Oatmeal. Toast. Bacon."

"Nah I'm good. I ate. Wait, Cas, you're eating?"

"That's right Sammy, he said he was hungry. And he fell asleep last night." Dean poured the egg mixture into the pan, stirred the oatmeal, flipped the bacon and pushed the lever down for the toast. He turned around and gave a heavy pointed stare at his brother. Sam returned the stare, and then they both turned and looked at Castiel. Cas shifted under their gazes.

"My theory is Michael really damaged the vessel and the vessel has to heal as if it was human." Dean and Sam exchanged glances again. Dean turned back around and flipped the omelet, separated the oatmeal into two bowels, placed the bacon on two plates, buttered the toast and then split the omelet and divided it between the two plates. He grabbed Cas' portion and placed it on the table in front of him. Cas' stomach growled. Sam chuckled. Dean snatched a spoon and fork, and glass of orange juice for Cas and also deposited on the table. Dean had never been so happy that Sam kept the kitchen stocked with actual good for you food. He grabbed a fork for himself and stood leaning against the counter eating his food and watching Cas.

 

Cas wolfed down his food like he hadn't ate in ages, which to be honest had been a couple years at best. When he was finished he wiped his mouth with a napkin and said, "Thank you Dean, that was very good. Much better than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

Dean smiled and walked over to the table. He scraped a portion of the food he had left onto Cas' plate.

Sam and Cas both looked at Dean with surprise and maybe a bit of suspicion. "Thank you Dean but the food you gave me was sufficient. You eat."

Dean bent over and kissed the top of Cas' head and said, "I am eating." And walked back to his spot against the counter. Cas and Sam exchanged looks.

 

"Alright. Who are you and what have done with my brother?" Sam said.

Dean couldn't tell if Sam was serious or not. He placed his plate down on the counter. "Sam can I speak to you privately?" Sam got up and followed Dean in to their dungeon. In hindsight, if Dean really wasn't who he said he was going in the dungeon with him was stupid.

Dean closed the door behind them. He turned to Sam and Sam lifted up his hands palms up, the universal sign of 'say what you have to say'.

"Sam, I need you to support me in this."

"In what Dean?"

Dean shoved a hand through his short hair roughly and started pacing. "In whatever this is between Cas and I. I'd like to think I learned my lesson the last go round. I don't want to..." Dean's voice broke over his next words, "I don't want to chance loosing Cas again. Over me being stupid or scared or whatever I was being." Dean stopped pacing long enough to give Sam an imploring look. "I am trying to just go with my instincts and do what would feel natural with a woman. I know I care about Cas."

Sam gave Dean a pointed look.

"Okay. I love Cas." Dean amended.

"You're in love with Cas." Sam corrected quietly.

Dean stopped pacing and punched the wall. "Ah! Son of a bitch!" He shook his hand trying to alleviate some of the stinging pain.

"Dean you have to face your feelings for Cas. Rather you're comfortable with them or not." Dean remained silent. "You gotta admit though Dean, it's actually kinda perfect for you."

"How do you figure Sam?"

"Face it Dean, you want a family. You have all this love in you to give but no one to give it to. Once Cas is back healed you'll have someone you don't have to hide the hunter lifestyle from. Someone that if they get captured or cornered can basically hold their own. Not to mention he can help with cases. He's a walking lore book. And he has already proved himself loyal." Dean couldn't argue with any of what Sam said. It was all very sound logic.

Sam approached Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I support you Dean. I was the one who told you to talk to Cas. I support the two of you. I support this family. And anything I can do to help smooth it all along I will." Dean gathered his brother in a tight embrace. "Thanks Sammy."


	9. Epilogue

Cas woke up screaming. He had been having these dreams off and on for the past two months. Ever since Dean and Sam rescued him from Michael.

Dean was there instantly soothing Cas. Rubbing his back and saying the usual 'You'll be alright's' and the 'I'm here's'.

"Sorry I woke you Dean." Cas said, his already deep voice made deeper by sleep.

"Come here." Dean said pulling him into his arms. "You know you have no reason to be sorry."

"I know Dean, but these dreams make me feel so helpless. I don't like feeling like that." There was a hint of a pout in his voice.

Dean chuckled. "It's okay, I like being your knight in shining armor." Dean rolled over so that Cas was under him. He looked him in the eyes, trailing his fingers down the side of his face. Cas' breathing speed up. Dean watched him, all of the little tell tale signs that Cas was excited and no longer thinking about his dream.

"Stop teasing me Dean." Dean chuckled and lowered his head, never breaking eye contact, and kissed Cas tenderly.

 

The past two month was a surprisingly easy transition. Sure there were things they had to work out, mainly Dean. He was just so protective.

Cas had slowly went back to normal. Well, normal for an angel. Although he still slept time to time and he refused to give up showering. Food had gone back to tasting like molecules after about two weeks. Cas missed Dean's cooking.

Cas tilted his head up to deepen the kiss, he opened his mouth under Dean's ministrations. Dean let out a small moan. Cas loved that Dean was so verbal, and half the time didn't realize that he was.

Castiel had fully moved into Dean's room, they slept in the same bed every night and showered almost every morning together. But they had never taken their relationship to the next level. Cas didn't question or pressure Dean, mainly because he wasn't sure how the next level would work with them. They could both be the aggressor, or the supplicant. And although, technically Cas knew all the mechanics of sex, and sex with another man, he had obviously never experienced it. Knowing the human body and instinct helped him the first time he and Dean had been intimate. At least Dean seemed to enjoy it. Yet part of Castiel felt maybe he had did something wrong because it has never gone further than kissing and jerking each other off. Cas wasn't sure if Dean didn't _want_ to advance their relationship because in his mind it would make it more concrete or if he too was unsure of the mechanics.

 

Dean slipped a hand between their bodies and started massaging Cas through his boxers, in small, tight circles with the heel of his hand. Cas broke off the kiss and shuddered with pleasure. "Deeean." He murmured. Dean placed kisses on his jawline, making his way to Cas' neck, kissing him nipping him lightly. Cas dug his nails into Dean's bare back, his short blunt nails digging in. Dean inhaled sharply. Cas smiled underneath him.

Dean slid his knee between Cas' thighs and bit his shoulder harshly. "Dean!" Cas sounded a bit angry. Dean was kissing the spot he had bit when Cas pulled his hair hard, causing his head to yank back. "What the fuck Cas?"

"Play nice and I'll play nice."

"Fuck that." Dean slid to the side of Cas a bit and shoved his hand in Cas' boxers, he gripped his cock tight. When Cas opened his mouth in surprise Dean then shoved his tongue in Cas' mouth. He started jerking Cas off rather roughly and even the kiss was more aggressive than usual.

 

Cas had never experienced this side of Dean, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't turned on. Its was something exciting about it.

Cas reached up gripped the back of Dean's neck, holding him in place as he kissed him back just as aggressively. Dean moaned deep in his throat.

Dean didn't know why he was being so rough with Cas, when he was normally gentle and careful. But the fact that Cas was responding right back was fucking hot.

Cas sudden turned the tables on Dean, pushing him on to his back and straddling his hips. Dean was surprised because Cas never really took any kind of control, not since the first time when he had pushed Dean up against the wall. Cas used Dean's momentary shock to his advantage. He grasped both of Dean's wrist in one of his and held them over his head. Dean struggled just a little to test his maneuverability. "Uh Uh Dean." Cas' hand was replaced by a silk scarf.

Dean looked up at his wrist, "Kinky." was his only reply. All of Cas' angel powers had come back online slowly over the past two months, he seemed to be back in tip top shape.

Cas lowered his head and bit Dean several times on his neck shoulders and chest. He had reduced Dean to a moaning, dirty talking mess. He kept forgetting his hands were tied and kept trying to reach for Cas.

Cas kissed a trail down the center of Dean's chest, when he reached his navel he darted his tongue in for a quick exploration. Dean twisted on the bed. Cas glanced up quickly at Dean, he was watching Castiel through half closed eyes, lashes just grazing his cheeks, but Cas knew he was watching him, he gave him a lopsided smile and ducked his head back down and start kissing along his sides.

"Caaaas." Dean said in breathless warning. By time Cas  
reached Dean's hip he was squirming. "What are you doing Cas?"

Cas looked at Dean and all their clothes disappeared. "I warned you to play fair Dean."

Dean stiffened up, very apprehensive. He liked this side of Cas but he was completely at Cas' mercy. The more he struggled the tighter his restraints became. "Cas, untie me buddy. Untie me and....SON OF A BITCH!" Dean bellowed. The feel of Cas' mouth on the head of his dick had his eyes crossing. He had never thought in a million years that..."Fucccccck Cas! Fuck!" Cas was doing all sort of delicious naughty things with his tongue. Dean was trying to keep still but he couldn't help the little spasms that was racking his body.

Cas shifted his attention from the head to the shaft. First he sat back and studied it, like he was trying to figure it out. Dean took the moment of reprieve to try and talk Cas into untying him. "Cas, please, untie me. Don't you want me to touch you too? Come on man just...good God almighty!"

 

Cas had decided to see if he could take all of Dean's considerable length in his mouth. When the head of his dick hit the back of Cas' throat, he expected his gag reflex to kick in. It didn't. Motherfucker! He didn't have one Dean thought to himself. And instead of coming back up, Cas took his balls in his hands, rolling them around in his palm and then he started humming. Dean's back arched off the bed so sharply he slipped from Cas' mouth.

Dean was sweating and breathing heavy. "Please. Cas."

"I think I rather like you begging Dean. Please what?"

"Please, let me touch you." Cas straddled Dean's hips again, his own erection hard and heavy on Dean's stomach. He leaned forward and kissed Dean slowly, and as he did the silk scarf slowly undid itself. As soon as Dean was free he reversed their positions. He kneeled between Cas' thighs, ran his hands up and down his chest, watching the nipples harden more. Dean leaned over and took one of those perky little nipples in his mouth. Running his tongue around it and then pulling it with his teeth. Cas' hands tangled in Dean's hair, holding him there. He moaned so loud he was sure Sam would hear him. The head of Dean's dick was pressed against Cas' opening. He slid forward teasing Cas, he did this several times. Cas whimpered with need. Dean was kissing, biting and even scratching all over Cas' upper body, anywhere he could reach.

He reached between them and placed his cock so that it was touching Cas', he rocked forward, and their cocks created a sweet friction between the two of them. Cas groaned with the sensation. He raised his hips to meet Dean's. And although this felt so good, he was a bit disappointed, he though this would be the time they finally stepped over that line.

 

Dean kept moving at a slow pace, he bent forward and whispered in Cas' ear, "I see the disappointment in your eyes. I know you want me. I know you want this, but we have to take it slow. I don't want to hurt you." He bit Cas on the ear lope. Cas shuddered at Dean's words. "And yes Cas, I want you too. I am aching to be inside you. Do you feel hard you make me?" Cas couldn't respond so he let his body speak for him. He kissed Dean like his very existence depended on it.

Dean continued his slow prep work on Cas, kissing, biting, scratching, dirty talking. Whatever it took. Dean reached a hand in between their moving, sweat soaked bodies and took Cas in hand. He started jerking him off, slowly at first. Cas thrashed around on the bed pumping his hips upward to meet Dean's hand. "Dean, I'm so close...please."

Dean chuckled and bit him on his chin, "Whose begging now?"

"Fuuuck." Cas whispered. Dean faltered in his strokes.

"Say that again Cas."

"Fuck." Cas said again, all breathy.

Dean seemed to lose it at that. He crushed his mouth to Cas. The kiss was hard and aggressive. He speed up his stroke and in a moments notice Cas was coming all over Dean's hand and his stomach. "You. Are. So. Hot." Dean said kissing Cas in between each word. He kissed Cas long and lazily.

Dean took his cum covered hand and rubbed it between Cas' cheeks, pushing one fingertip inside his hole. Dean slowly moved his finger in and out, taking his time to stretch him. Dean continued to kiss him. "Are you ready for me?" He had two fingers moving in and out of him now. Cas didn't answer. Couldn't answer, the sensations were too much. "Are you... ready...for me?" Dean asked through clenched teeth. "I don't know how much longer I can hold back Cas. I have wanted this for too long." Dean's voice was shaking but he was still being extremely careful.

Cas saw the strain on Dean and it touched him. He placed his hand on the side of Dean's face, "Yes Dean."

Dean leaned down and kissed him slowly, breath ragged. He guided himself to Cas' center. Allowing just the head to slide in. Dean rested his head on Cas' forehead. His whole body shook with the effort of holding back. It was so tight around him. "Tell me if I hurt you Cas."

"I can take it Dean. Don't worry."

"Dammit Cas, I mean it." Cas nodded his understanding. As Dean was pushing in on a down stroke, Cas thrust his hips up to meet Dean's. This resulted in Dean slamming his whole length into Cas. Cas and Dean both froze and went ridged. Cas' mouth fell open on a silent cry. "Cas? Cas I'm so sorry baby. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Cas didn't reply. Dean placed a panicked kiss at the corner of Cas' mouth and he kept placing small quick kisses against his lips while he held his face between his hands. When Cas still hadn't responded Dean wrapped his arms around him and laid his head on Cas' shoulder. "I'm sorry man, I'm so fucking sorry."

Cas felt wetness on his shoulder, he knew it wasn't from sweat. He placed his arms around Dean. "Dean." Dean didn't reply just squeezed Cas tighter. "Dean , I am okay. That was my own doing, it's not your fault. I was just momentarily stunned. I didn't expect to feel you so fully." Cas felt another tear hit his skin. He turned his head and kissed Dean on the back of the neck. Once. Twice. Cas rocked his hips forward and he felt Dean twitch inside him. He continued to rock his hips slowly and it felt like Dean was growing inside him. Cas gave a small moan. This felt good. But it was a bit difficult with Dean clinging to him the way he was. "Dean." No answer. "Ba-by..." Cas tried this new endearment on for size. It felt weird calling Dean that. "Dean. Please let go of me. Love me Dean." Repeating the same words from their very first intimate encounter.

Dean lifted up his head, his eyes were red rimmed. "I do Cas."

"Show me with your body Dean." Dean looked at Cas, trying to assess the situation. Cas lifted his face and kissed Dean tenderly and at the same time rocked his hips forward very quickly. Dean moaned into Cas' mouth.

"Are you sure Cas? Once I start I dunno if I'll be able to stop."

Cas smiled at him, "Yes Dean."

 

Dean raised himself up onto his elbows, he kissed Cas and gave a small experimental thrust. Cas gasped and closed his eyes. Dean continued giving small, slow thrust. Kissing along Cas' jawline, dipping his head to suck on his neck, marking him. Cas was moaning and encouraging Dean,

"Oh yes. That feels so good Dean. Oh Dean." And so forth. Cas was running his hands up and down Dean's arms, back, where ever he could touch he did.

Dean picked up speed; he had his eyes closed, head thrown back. He was gripping one of Cas' hips. He gave small grunts with each thrust in. Oh god this felt so good Dean thought. He was taking it easy, a slow pace because he didn't want to hurt Cas again. That nearly killed him. Cas was running his hands all over Dean, he was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Dean."

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at his angel. "Yeah buddy?" Dean said breathlessly.

"I want you to look at me." Cas rolled his hips into Dean, meeting his thrust.

Dean let his eyes close again, "Fuck." He whispered.

"Dean."

Dean's eyes snapped open. Cas rolled his hips hard, Dean's hand spasmed at Cas' hip. "Fuck me Dean."

Dean faltered. He looked Cas in the eye. He pulled back his hips and thrust into Cas with more force than he previously used. He watched Cas' face and thrust several more times, moving harder and going deeper. "Yes Dean."

Dean kissed Cas hungrily. Thrusting in and out. Cas meeting each of his thrust with one of his own.

The pair was moaning into each others mouth, sometimes Cas would simply whimper and Dean would give an occasional grunt. Dean pulled himself up into a kneeling position. He continued thrusting into Cas, one hand gripping Cas' thigh the other now stroking Cas in time with each thrust. Cas was a blubbering mess, he was gripping the sheets and saying Dean's name over and over.

 

Dean was slamming his hips into Cas now. You could hear the smack of skin against skin. Cas was speaking in Enochian, his head thrown back, mouth moving furiously. Dean's mouth hung open gasping for breath with each thrust. Hand moving fast on Cas' dick.

A few moments later, Cas' body squeezed Dean's cock inside him and Cas came for the second time. Dean leaned forward, settling between Cas' thighs and kissed Cas tenderly, running his fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck. He pulled their mouths apart and rested his forehead against the other man's. "I love you Cas."

Cas was caught off guard because Dean never just came out and said he loved him. He swallowed pass the lump in throat, "I love you too Dean."

Dean gave a smile and started moving in and out of Cas again. Cas breath caught. Dean kissed Cas aggressively and picked up speed. He was snapping his hips into Cas' again. The sound of skin hitting skin and both men's moans of pleasure filled the room. Dean snaked his hands around Cas' back and up to grip his shoulders as he slammed into him repeatedly. Dean was repeating Cas' name over and over. "Cas. Cas. Cas. Oh fuck Cas."

Cas turned his head to the side and bit Dean's bicep. Dean stuttered in his strokes, Cas soothed the spot with his tongue. "Again." Dean whispered. Cas bit him again, this time with a little more force Dean cried out. "Caaaas, I'm about to come baby. Oh god you feel so good." Cas started rolling his hips as he had done before and bit Dean again, hard.

Dean thrust, once. Twice. Three times and cried out his release. "Caaaaaas!" He collapsed on top of Cas, being careful not to hurt him.

Cas hummed and stroked Dean's back, placing small kisses along his shoulder. After awhile Dean bonelessly rolled off of Cas. His breathing was now under control. He pulled Cas to him, holding him in the crook of his arms.

"How do you feel?" The shower water suddenly turned on.

"Like I need a shower Dean." Cas got out of bed and pulled a reluctant Dean up. He kissed Dean on the chin and then pulled him into the bathroom with him.

Like a reversal of their first shower together Cas stepped in and helped Dean in after him. Cas placed Dean in front of him allowing the spray to wash over them both.

Dean was feeling extremely tired and lazy. He leaned back against Cas with his eyes closed as the shower water washed away all the sweat and cum. Cas took soap into his hands and started lathering up Dean's body. He had one arm around his waist to hold him steady and the other was washing him. Cas let his hand travel up to Dean's neck, washing and then on a whim, he grabbed Dean around the neck, squeezing lightly. Dean's dick jerked.

"Cas." Dean said sleepily. Cas removed his hand and continued to wash Dean. He washed all that he could reach and still be able to hold on to the taller man. Cas guided Dean to the shower wall and leaned him there so he could continue washing him. He lathered both hands and got on his knees. He washed Dean's feet, calves, working upwards, finishing at his thighs. He looked up, Dean had his eyes closed and mouth partially open. Cas had one hand resting on Dean's left hip and the other the back of Dean's right thigh.

He had a wicked thought and decided to act on it. Cas took the head of Dean's dick in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

Dean's eyes flew open. "Holy shh...Cas." Cas smiled despite having a full mouth. He continued his ministrations on Dean. Dean had a hand on the back Cas' head, he watched lazily as Cas gave him head. Cas sucked in hard, applying pressure along Dean shaft. Dean thrust into Cas' mouth. He watched Cas. Cas seemed to be handling it pretty well. He palmed the back of Cas' head, pushing in and out of his mouth. He gradually picked up speed, fucking Cas' mouth like he had done to his body minutes before. His strokes were becoming uneven and Cas could tell he was close. He gently removed Dean's hand from his head and stilled Dean's hips. He looked up at Dean, "I got this Dean." He took Deal back in his mouth and simultaneously gripping the base of his cock with his hand. He moved his hand up and down so that it met his mouth each time.

Dean started chanting, "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Cas pulled all but the head out of his mouth. He ran his tongue around it and sucked on it while his hand was still jerking him off. Within a few breaths Dean was coming hard. A bit of cum dribbled out of the corner of Cas' mouth. Dean helped him stand up.

Cas spit the contents of his mouth out, held his mouth under the spray, letting it fill with water. And then he spit that out as well. Dean pulled Cas to him. Kissing him tenderly. "Thank you." Cas simply kissed him back. No other words were exchanged. Dean washed up Cas and when he tried to help Cas with his erection Cas just shook his head no and smiled.

 

They got out of the shower, and dried off. They stood in the doorway looking at the mess they had made. Dean went to get fresh sheets out of the closet when Cas said "Dean, come to bed." Dean looked over his sholder and saw that the bed was pristine again. "That could really come in handy Cas." Cas held out his hand and when Dean took it they climbed into bed together, with Cas holding Dean from behind. Cas kissed Dean on the shoulder, covered them with the blanket and turned out the lights. "Goodnight Dean."

"Goodnight Cas."


	10. Bonus Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am including this bonus scene because I liked it, and didn't have anywhere for it to fit in the story. Hope you enjoyed the story overall, and without further delay, I present to you a smutty bonus scene. Honestly, this is just smut for smut sake.

Cas and Dean had the bunker to themselves, Sam had decided to go assist another hunter with a hunt a state over. Dean didn't mind, sure he was concerned for his brother but he was happy to have the place to himself and Cas.

He still was in awe at how things turned out for him and Cas. If you had asked him a couple of years ago if he ever foresaw this happening he would've called you crazy. But he was in a good place right now. He was with someone romantically who understood him, didn't push him and someone he didn't have to hide the hunting side of things from. It couldn't get any better at this point. Sure they still had Amara to worry about, but things had been very quiet on that front.

 

Dean was in the process of drying off from his shower when Cas all but tackled him against their bedroom wall. He was kissing Dean with all his might, which considering he was an angel was quite a bit. Dean broke off the kiss, "Whoa there Cas. I have to breath remember."

"Sorry Dean."

Dean's hands were resting on Cas' shoulders. Cas lifted his head just a bit and kissed Dean again, but this time slower. Dean moaned his enjoyment against the shorter man's mouth.

"Ahh, Cas. You sure picked up the fine art of kissing rather quickly."

"I had a good teacher." he said.

Dean smiled down at him. "Do you mind if I finish drying off and get dressed? Even with Sam not being here we can't walk around naked all day."

"No Dean, I like you wet. Besides for what I have in mind, clothes will just get in the way."

Dean lifted an eyebrow at Cas' comment. "Really and what do you have in mind?"

Cas gave an honest to goodness smile. Dean found he was momentarily distracted by that smile, next thing he knew, Cas had grabbed him underneath each thigh, spreading his legs as he picked him up. Dean didn't even have a chance to mutter a word before Cas had entered him. Dean closed his eyes. Cas allowed Dean to slowly slide down his shaft, to become accustomed to the new sensation of having something so large in him. Cas too had to become accustomed to this, he had never been inside of Dean and it was so tight he thought he might cum from that alone. He rested his head on Dean's chest. Dean was gripping Cas' shoulders, he wasn't worried about Cas dropping him, he was a freaking angel, he could probably hold Dean for days without getting tired. But the feeling of Cas in him was new. He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt. But just beyond that pain he could sense pleasure waiting for him. "Cas, you alright buddy?" Dean asked voice very strained.

Cas' voice was muffled because he still had his face pressed into Dean's chest. "How did you do it Dean? How did you pace yourself? All I want to do is just drive myself into you over and over. You're so tight around me. I feel like I'm dying."

Dean chuckled and Cas cried out. "Don't do that! Your body squeezes me when you laugh." Dean couldn't help it, he laughed again.

"Fuuuuck!"

Dean stoped mid laugh, his eyes darkened. He tilted Cas' head up to look at him. Cas' eyes were glossy and unfocused, Dean leaned in and kissed him with all the desire he was currently feeling, hearing Cas swear always did something to him. When he came up for air he and Cas were both breathing heavy. "Take what you need Cas." In this position Dean was virtually at Cas' mercy, but he gave his hips a small experimental rock forward. That's all it took to urge Cas on. Cas' grip on Dean's thighs turned almost brutal as he drove himself into Dean. He did it again going purely off instinct.

Dean cried out, Cas was thrusting into him so hard, it was still slightly painful but now the head of Cas' dick was rubbing against that sweet spot inside Dean. And the press of their bodies was causing a delicious friction against Dean's own dick. His arms encircled Cas holding on while he felt his body was shattering.

Cas was grunting with each thrust, muttering under his breath, "Oh Dean. You feel so good." And other things. Dean was there with him every step. He had wrapped his legs around Cas' waist and Cas moved his hands under Dean's ass, gripping while he buried himself in Dean repeatedly.

Dean sensed that Cas was still holding back. "Let go buddy, I got you." Dean whispered breathlessly to Cas. Cas seemed to do just that. He pulled almost completely out of Dean and slammed back in. He started moving not only faster, but harder, deeper. Cas was out of control and Dean was losing his as well. His nails dug into Cas' skin, he whispered in Cas' ear, "I'm gonna cum baby, make me cum." Cas pounded into Dean so hard the items on the shelves shook. Dean squeezed Cas with his inner muscles and bellowed out, "Oh Cas! I'm coming, I'm coming." That was all Cas needed to send him over the edge of his own orgasm. His pumping was erratic and clipped, "Dean, Dean...I'm going to...Dean!" He cried out as he came hard. He kept pumping, not as hard or fast but just as deep. He rolled his hips with each thrust causing his head to brush the spot in Dean that would give him the most pleasure. A few moments later they were both coming again.

 

Dean unwrapped his legs from around Cas and Cas allowed him to stand up. He leaned against Dean completely spent. Dean wrapped his arms around him tiredly. "I think I'm gonna be sore by tomorrow." Dean said. Cas looked up at him with the beginnings of regret in his eyes. Dean kissed him quickly, "It was totally worth it though." he said. Cas smiled at Dean.

Dean pushed Cas gently away from him and walked to the bathroom. A few moments later Cas heard bath water running. He walked in the bathroom and gasped, there was a small trickle of blood running down the back of Dean's leg. "Dean. You're bleeding."

Dean took a rag and wiped the back of his leg and between his cheeks. Rinsed the rag in the sink and wiped again. "Don't worry about it Cas, it happens. I'm fine."

Cas didn't look convinced. He narrowed his eyes and stared at Dean, "Let me heal you."

"No Cas. I'm good." Dean kissed Cas on the forehead and then stopped the water. Cas flicked his wrist and then there was an aromatic smell coming from the water. Dean looked at Cas questioningly. "Rosemary oil, lavender oil and St. Johns Worth oil. It will help with the soreness. I'm sorry Dean."

"No need to be. Are you gonna join me or am I gonna have to bathe for the second time today by myself?" Cas gave a weak smile and stepped into the water laying back against the back of the tub. Dean stepped in next settling in between Cas' legs and laying back against his chest. He sighed his content. Cas lazily ran his fingers through the water and up and down Dean's body. Dean had his eyes closed while they relaxed. He allowed his fingers to trail up and down Cas' legs under the water, drawing little patterns. Cas placed a kiss atop Dean's head.

Dean sighed contentedly again. He turned his head around, facing Cas, eyes still closed. Cas leaned down and kissed him, smiling against his lips. Dean reached up and placed a gently restraining hand against the back of Cas' head and deepened the kiss. He could feel that Cas was getting hard again against his back.

 

Dean turned completely around in Cas' arms, straddling his hips. Dean wrapped his arms around his angel, pressed his body into him and deepened the kiss further. He just couldn't seem to get enough of this man.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, hands loosely resting on his ass. As the kiss deepened Dean grinded against Cas. A moan rising up out of his throat. Dean peppered kisses all over Cas' face and down his neck, kissing turned into nipping, and nipping turned into biting and sucking. Cas was no longer loosely touching Dean he was gripping and kneading his ass, pressing Dean more firmly against his cock.

Dean was still grinding against him, but now his movement were a little more insistent. Water was splashing up around them lightly. "Dean, I don't think we should. I hurt..." Cas' protest was cut off by Dean kissing him fiercely. Dean raised up on his knees, reached behind him, positioning the head of Cas' dick at his entrance. Cas froze, Dean continued kissing him, he slowly lowered himself onto Cas' engorged shaft. "Mmmmm. Caaaas." Dean sighed.

Dean rocked his hips down into Cas, moving slowly in a counter-clockwise rotation. Cas' hands at Dean's hips tightened but no other part of him moved. Dean leaned his head back as he continued to ride Cas. Cas watched Dean through hooded eyes. This was too much for him. The warm water, the scents, Dean. Dean opened his eyes and looked into Cas' eyes as he changed up his rhythm. He started rocking his hips front to back, moving faster. The water around them was now sloshing loudly. Dean's hands on Cas' shoulders tightened as the pressure in his center built. He leaned forward kissing Cas, tongues doing battle. Cas let out a small moan which Dean promptly swallowed. Cas broke the kiss this time, wrapping his arms tightly around Dean, holding him in place as he thrust up into him, and biting him on neck harshly. Dean raised up on his knees a little and proceeded to bounce his ass up and down on Cas' cock, Cas meeting thrust for thrust. They were both moaning and encouraging the other. Water was splashing over the sides of the tub with their movements.

"Dean." Cas' deep voice sounded gruff with desperation. "Dean, I..."

"Shh, shh, it's okay Cas just let go. You feel so good, I'm going to come too." Their movements were frantic as they both reached for release. Cas grabbed Dean by the back of the neck, bringing him in for a kiss, he cried his release into his mouth. Dean kept moving against him, a heartbeat later he too was rewarded with release. He shook with the intensity of it.

Dean lay against Cas, trying to catch his breath. Cas stroked up and down Dean's back. "You know Dean, I think I like baths better than showers."


End file.
